Single Mom Dating- The Internet And Boundaries

As if trying to meet and find the time to date someone isn't hard enough, along comes "Internet Dating." While it seems like an ideal way for two people to learn about each other and get to know each other before investing actual dates, the Internet has removed so many of the traditional boundaries of acceptable courtship, that this single mom has begun to wonder if it's even worth it to bother with the 'online courtship' scene.
I find that guys are very forward when they have the privilege of 'hiding behind a screen.' Though when meeting someond in real life, a guy can 'assess' the bra size, when a 'first chat' session features the question, 'what size bra do you wear?' it gives a girl little hope that this guy is looking for a serious family life, and more the impression that he wants a conquest. I have come across this so many times now, that I have been forced to face the fact that there must be women out there who respond well to this.
Listen, I'm no prude. Not by a long shot. But there are certain rules of decorum where courtship is involved and maybe my sense of traditionalism just keeps me from moving forward with the new evolution of dating. When presented with these very invasive questions, I feel like I'm auditioning for a role in an upcoming porno movie, and not getting to know a potential life partner. Maybe the next time I come across a man so brazen in his questioning I will respond with, "and how much money do you have in the bank?"

To Hope Or Not To Hope

I find myself at a crossroads. I want someone in my life. I don't want to subject my kids to a stepfather, or worse, another man who may or may not be there forever. I can't compartmentalize my entire life. That would be fair to no one at all.

The kids deserve a real father figure in their lives. And not this 'part-time' joint custody bullshit that our society has come to accept as 'just fine' for kids. It's not 'just fine.' They deserve to have Mommy AND Daddy to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every night. They deserve the 'example' of having two parents who love each other, who are committed to each other and who are committed to the promises they make to each other.

I don't know what to do. They deserve that example. I can't MAKE their father come back to the family he wanted so badly that he threatened to leave me if I didn't give it to him. And then left anyway once I did. And I deserve the man he promised to be for me.

I can try to find that with someone else. But it's still a risk that not just I have to take. It's a risk my kids have to take, because the next guy could walk out too. And my kids could lose a gamble that they don't even get to make.

She can't see the forest because there are too many trees in the way

In a previous post, I talked about the woman I took in who wound up causing me 10 days of grief and other issues I am still dealing with today. I took her in because she was the 'friend' of the roommate I already had, who was a major cause of the problems with the new one. You see, for over a year, roommate #1, lived with me and refused to work. We would get writing jobs online, and getting her to do them was like pulling teeth. She wound up doing a couple, here and there, but for the most part, she spent her time on wannabe detective forums, twitter and Facebook.

When we couldn't pay our electric bill last month, we rented a motel room and for $200 a week, had all the utilities and Internet access to do our job.

We talked about moving to another area and even looked at a few houses, but the fact is, my house is in foreclosure. Right now, I'm living rent free and we're both about to start a new job that will pay each of us almost $500 a week and can be done from home. If we move, we'll be adding another $1,000 a month onto our BILLS, and if we STAY, we'll save $1,000 a month. And in 3-4 months, have not only the money to move, but be established in the job long enough to know we're secure and that our paychecks are secure too.

Although, economically, this makes the most sense, she refuses to respond to LOGIC and simply DEMANDS that she will not move back into MY house.

Look, the fact is, the woman is 50 years old. Getting a 'job' at her age is going to be hard to do. Add to that that she has a piss poor demeanor that comes across in her body language and in the way she talks, and no one is going to hire her.

Every time things got tight with the bills, I would remind her that we needed to buckle down and get some work done. God forbid, however, that I interrupt her twittering and Facebook time to remind her we have deadlines. If I do that, I'm trying to 'control' her. She will say she doesn't want to do 'this kind of work' yet will do nothing else to earn an income either.

Now, after two years of being a struggling single mom, barely keeping the bills paid from freelance work on the Internet, the Deadbeat Dad is finally paying child support, and I am going to have a steady job, that I can work at home, with a steady PAYCHECK, and she wants to throw away the one last opportunity we have to bank some cash so that we will have a cushion and never have to be in this position again, over a couple more months of living in a house where we don't have to pay rent.

And as an added thought: She has had no problem sticking me with 100% of the BILLS of MY house with NO RENT, and now, I'm supposed to risk getting stuck with another $1,000 a month in rent that she may stick me with. I suppose she thinks that since we'll be 'renting' from a 'landlord' she shouldn't have to pay him or her rent either, because after all, it's THEIR house.

GRRR.... I tried to explain it 'logically' but all I get in response to 'logic' is "I'm not going back to that house. I'm NOT. I would rather go live on the streets than go back to YOUR house."