But he's not getting off the hook that easily.
If this is what he wants, fine.
He gets the kids. He gets to figure out how to work full time and schedule and make every doctor's appointment, and dental appointment.
He gets to try and 'date', if and when he can find a babysitter.
He gets to be the single parent.
I told him, "I'll leave right now. And in the morning, you'll have to call in to work and take the day off, and probably a couple of days off, to sort out what you're going to do."
After a minute, he whispered, "You don't get to run away."
I responded with, "Why not? You do."
It was quiet for a few minutes, and then I got the 'grudging' "Fine, you win."
I got up for something, I can't remember what, and he got up with me and followed me.
I decided to have a smoke and he sat down at the table with me and said, "Do you really want me to make an honest effort?"
I said "Yes."
He said, "Then I want you to delete all the screen shots of all the texts you have between me and everyone else."
I said "Fine." And that's when he added "Faith is a two way street."
The truth is, I don't really have any faith at all. After everything he said about me, how much he dislikes me, how unsatisfied he is with our sex life, how isn't attracted to me, I feel like he's now just trying to placate me long enough to keep me calm until there's enough money for both of us to leave.
The same way I feel like he's only agreeing to marriage counseling because he's looking for someone to 'validate' the decision he's already made to allow his Mommy, his Momma's boy friend and his Momma's boy friends Mommy to convince him he should leave his family.
But I made the next appointment with the marriage counselor anyway, and I asked my marriage coach on the online marriage coaching program I joined what she thinks would constitute an 'honest effort' on his part... since quitting the job is a non-negotiable for him, (and that's indicative of his inability to keep his word)...
Here is what she wrote:
"I would think that an honest effort on his part would be to demonstrate a commitment to:
a. giving his attention to you.
b. making an effort to speak to you in a kind manner.
c. agreeing to set a period of time in which you are both making a serious effort to communicate better.
d. avoiding talking about your relationship to people who are bad-mouthing you.
e. building on whatever positives exist.
f. ideally, looking at some of the Communications materials with you.
This article may also provide some helpful pointers:
I will not be checking in again until Friday--I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving."
But he wants to go see his Momma's boy friend Saturday night.
And if I dare bring this up... I know he's going to explode.
Yesterday, he was supposed to work 7am-5pm. He wound up 'working' until 10pm.
At 5pm, I got a text "Running late. Aim for 6 ish."
At 7pm, I got another text, "Just got up from a pcm. Will leave as soon as I can. So sorry, make it up to you tomorrow."
When he finally came home, at 10pm, he told me he was going to duck out of there at 3pm today. Shortly after that, his story changed to "I have 3 people on, so I should be able to bounce at 3pm".
At a quarter of three, I called and asked if he was going to make it... guess what.
At 5, I called him again, and was told "I'm gonna try to get out of here in 20 minutes."
At 6, I called again, because he wanted me to buy something from Wal Mart but I can't find it on their website and I can't very well take the kids with me to buy it...
That's when he told me that he's still there because the DM showed up... and he's on the schedule until 7.... Well, tell him you worked 5 hours late yesterday.
Oh no... he won't do that.
He's 'under scrutiny', 'because of me.'
I'm feeding my boys and going to bed.