Saturday, August 1, 2009

An Open Letter To The Mother Of My Deadbeat Dad

I've had some conversations with the sperm donors mother over the past two days, and what it comes down to is this.

  • She talks bad about my family, and how they treat me, but when I bring up how HER family treated me and my kids, I get "I'm not going to talk about it."
  • She talks about how my ex and I were always fighting and how it wasn't good for the baby to see, but when I bring up the question, "what we were fighting about?" (his brother and the way his brother 'influenced him to make bad decisions that affected OUR financial well-being because his brother is a MORON)... I get, "I'm not going to talk about it."
  • She had the NERVE, the GALL, the CAJONES to say that I was too spoiled and selfish to have had a child! When I replied with, "He was the one who selfishly abandoned this family" I got.. YOU GUESSED IT..... "I'm not going to talk about it."
Suffice it to say, I was so irritated by this woman that it is 5:41 am as I post this and I have not been to bed yet, and I have written an open letter to her. I would really like comments from you all on this. More than anything I feel that it is a truly despondent sign of our society that there has been no 'forum' to have heard this and to have banded together to let these 'deadbeat dads' and deadbeat dad enablers' know that you all see what I see from his actions and his behaviors and let him know that no one falls for these games these deadbeat dads play. I want him, and them, to know, to see, to have irrefutable proof, that no one, and I mean NO ONE believes anything they say, that everyone can see what they did and that everyone thinks they are the scum of the Earth for what they did to me and my children.

Here's the letter:

Some of the things you have said to me have caused me to stay up all night, thinking of questions I have to put to you.

How dare you say that I am 'too spoiled and selfish' to have children?

Let me clue you in, I am not the one who was so selfish as to abandon them when they needed me the most, to provide food and shelter. I believe the truly 'spoiled and selfish' has taken that trophy. When Mike couldn't provide, I did. When I couldn't he walked out, and he didn't just leave... he tried to kill me in every way possible.

He took MY TRUCK so I couldn't make a living.
He ROBBED MY HOUSE when I wasn't here.
He helped RUIN the only way I could make a living by outing me on the one place I was still making money...

You stood idly by and let all of this happen,even ENCOURAGED it for God's sake, and you have the nerve to talk about what MY FAMILY does to me...

TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK at what YOUR FAMILY... did to me.

Do you want to know the truth finally about why I didn't want to have a child? It was because I never believed that Mike wasn't too spoiled to walk out if the going got tough. Guess what. I was right.

It was because I knew by the example you set, that Mike has no sense of responsibility.

You condemn my family for the way they treat me, yet, the way your family treated me was horrific. You have your say about my family and I let you say it, but when you are done, and I come back at you with the things your family did to me, you interrupt me with "I'm not going to talk about it."


How dare you have the nerve to condemn ANYONE for the way they treat people when you treated YOUR GRANDCHILDREN to the most grandiose drama to have ever graced the stage of parental alienation...

You were a conductor in the orchestrated plot to destroy my family.

You behaved like white trash, with your attacks on me and mine and then 'shutting down' with "I'm not going to talk about that' when faced with the mirror images of your own DISGUSTING behavior.

You speak with a forked tongue. Telling Mike how wonderful I am when I take you on a cruise, and then spitting venom about me behind my back when the money ran out, starting stupid fights about an imaginary 'haircut' so you could set a stage for him to leave because even Mommy doesn't like me now.

You talk about how my mother wouldn't come to see her grandhcild. Let's talk about how you told your son it was ok to leave when that same child had no home to live in. Let's talk about how you shouted from your Yahoo messenger pulpit the PRIDE you took in your son not doing one single thing to support his children. Oh, you don't want to talk about THAT!

Poor you, you got upset.

Poor kids, they have no Father, thanks in large part to you.

You cannot understand how my family could not see the baby?

I cannot understand how you can just make a blanket statement like "you two are not compatible' and 'the baby didn't need to see you two fighting' without ever having uttered the words to your son that he needed to be a real man and a real father and put me and the kids before his brother, and HE needed to make sacrifices for his family. Without ever having uttered the words to him, "Michael, you are a father, you wanted those kids. You two are having problems. Go see a counselor."

No, just like you do with your bills, you decide you don't want to be responsible for your obligations, so you walk away. You find some reason to 'blame' something why you do it, but you just walk away. Just what you taught your children to do with their responsibilities.

You 'created' the 'you two aren't compatible, the baby doesn't need to see you fight excuse' because you couldn't fathom the idea of your precious son taking any responsibilities for his family and getting some counseling. God forbid he actually he had to do something to try to take care of HIS family... because then, he wouldn't be taking care of you.

I cannot understand how you think it was ok for me to have sacrificed myself to give him children, how I sacrificed MY money, to give him TWO businesses, and cars, and boats, and cruises... but when it came time for him to make a sacrifice, you didn't think he had to and you thought I just had to 'accept' his running off and leaving me to raise kids I had because he promised me he would be there to raise them WITH ME?!

The 'spoiled selfish' one who doesn't deserve these kids is actually your son, who you trained to believe that he had the right to just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

You trained him in this belief by 'agreeing' with everything your husband did, and burying yourself in a bottle so you didn't 'fight' with him about anything, up to and including his cheating on you.

It is pretty clear to everyone in the world that you and your family used me for my money. Mike's time in 'theater' served him well. He definitely pulled the wool over my eyes with his fake romance and adoration. But when the gravy train started to run dry and there was nothing left for him, you and his brother to suck on anymore, I faced the most devastating blow of my life, and you all lined up to KICK me when I was down, going out of your way to make things even worse for me, sending me spiraling into a pit of despair so you could then say, "he had to leave her. She was crazy. All they did was fight and that wasn't any good for the baby." And your plan hatched, and not one of you ever gave a shit how much MY CHILDREN SUFFERED because of the hatred you encouraged to cover up the truth...

You were all just using me for what you could get, and when the party was over, I was the one left holding the bag.

I hope you are all very happy. After all, I've seen the bullshit excuses you all made for Rich not supporting his children, and I've seen firsthand Mike tells those exact same lies and bullshit to a woman he wanted to 'date' thinking that women are going to be dumb enough to believe it. He actually told this woman that he DOES pay child support! HA! He won't even admit they are his kids.

I think it's time that you, Rich, Kelly and Angie left my family alone. Take a good hard look Dianne, Rich's kids in California hate his guts. My kids will feel no differently. Children aren't stupid. If you want to kid yourself into believing that ANYONE falls for the bullshit excuses you all made for Rich not supporting his kids,

I leave you with this... I have been through marriage counseling, and the one thing I learned there was that if you loved each other to get together and create a family in the first place, that love can be found again. You just have to want to want it. Even if you think you don't want it, you owe it to yourselves and your children to open your mind and your heart to getting past the anger that makes you feel that way, so you can start the process of healing and finding love again. It just takes work, and a little guidance to learn how to find it again. Anyone who won't let you finish that sentence, or who tries to argue against, does not have the interest of 'real family' at heart, and you should not be surrounding yourself with anyone who would say this.


It is my inherent belief that no matter what happens, a family is stronger together! Emotionally, financially, and even socially. Love, marriage, family, relationships.... it isn't all fun and games and Hallmark cards and good times... sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's damn hard work! And A LOT of self-sacrifice. You became a parent. Self-sacrifice is no longer an 'option' it's now a RESPONSIBILITY. Your children deserve for you to get past the anger immediately, even if it needs to be forced upon you to do so. You have no right to let your anger cause the grief that anger causes to innocent children.

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