This oughtta be good... now it's not a secret that I haven't WANTED to fight for child support since sometime in the spring of 2010, when I remarried and a REAL MAN stepped up and took on the role of 'Daddy.' I tried for 2 1/2 years, only to be completely screwed by Child Support Enforcement and The Department of Revenue when it came to GETTING SUPPORT when I NEEDED it.
They came up with more runarounds and rigamorole than any politician could manage.
But when I remarried, I had a husband, my kids had a father, and we didn't NEED it, and after the Hell that the "Genetic Template" put me through with refusing to help for 2.5 years (with the exectpion of the couple of months he sent money as long as I submitted to his BLACKMAIL and sent my kids to his mother's house for weekends... that stopped when the psycho stalker drug addict brother came home from Iraq and "Grandma" insisted on allowing him to be around my kids against my very firmy directive NOT TO) I just wanted him OUT of our lives.
I closed my case with the DOR.
But when my husband lost his job, we had to relocate and both of us needed to find new jobs to get back on our feet and for that we needed daycare, which we needed state assistance to get.
And which also forced us to re-open our case with CSE and the DOR.
I was quite explicit with the DOR that I DID NOT WANT to pursue child support. I explained to them that my husband is their Dad, and that he wanted to adopt the boys. I explained that right now, 'the genetic template' has made no move for custody or visitation, because he won't pay to file the action for paternity first. I know that he knows the DOR will do that part... and that saves him a lot of money.
Now get this.. these idiots SAY that they 'front the money' for it, but he has to pay it back.
Now come on, we all know that any monies will get added to the balance he owes THEM... after all the DOR collects 90% of the child support AWARD as their 'adminstrative fees' and the custodial parents don't end up with anything near what it takes to RAISE the kids... and we all know that he won't pay and that no one will do a damn thing about it. Deadbeat Dads don't get prosecuted and this one has the US Army to hide behind too... with all their secret little 'SCRA's' and other 'documents' that allow men to avoid RESPONSIBILITY!
He'll never pay a dime, for the paternity action, or for the support or back support to anyone.. not me, not them, and he not only won't suffer any CONSEQUENCES for that... he'll get REWARDED...
Because our JOKE of a 'legal system' won't look at the fact that he:
Left us HOMELESS... in a house with no electricity, ( we needed $2,500 to turn the power on and I had NO MONEY, and I was PREGNANT, and there were no jobs, but even if there were, no one was going to hire a pregnant woman so I had no way to come up with the money)
Knew our choices were a shelter (he called me a 'piece of shit' when I said this) or a house with no running water, no heat, and mold, and no money to fix any of those things.
Ran over my feet with a car
Screamed at me and called me "Fucking Bitch" in front of my son
Refused to support his kids. He COULD have worked day labor until he went to boot camp to make sure the kids ATE... but no, he said that he was going to boot camp in four months so he wasn't getting a job, and that he wouldn't do a damn thing to help support the kids until then.
Knew his brother was stalking me on the Internet, trying to interfere with my ability to make a living... following me around the web, outing pen names, and calling my house in the middle of the night, stoned out of his mind, slurring... and he did NOTHING about it.
The courts won't even consider all these things... they'll say... "oh good. The state paid for a paternity test, we can prove a genetic link."
And now, with someone else having picked up the tab for paternity, this 'sperm seller' (remember he's no 'donor'. He didn't 'donate' I paid DEARLY for those little swimmers) PROOF of a DNA LINK... he can file for custody, visitation...
And our IDIOTIC legal system can say "well, there's a genetic link. he gets to see the kids."
And to add insult to injury... the law treats child support and custody/visitation as two separate things. One has nothing to do with the other.
So we know, that even with the judgment, he won't pay. And we know that he'll be allowed to get away with it (just look at how many women post about HOW they can't get this state to ARREST these deadbead dads for this CRIME).... and yet... he'll still be allowed to SEE THE KIDS.... setting the example of "it's ok to be a scumbag, an abuser, and a deadbeat dad... look, it's gotta be ok, cause the courts still say that I get to see you, so it can't be a bad thing.)
Thank you America for being so fucking STUPID.
So now here we are...I have told the DOR that I don't WANT to go after this man. I'm finally away from him, he doesn't know my phone number, or where I live. I've had NO COMMUNICATION with him in over a year and a half and my family is HAPPY.
But they force me, and so yesterday was the hearing for the motion to establish paternity.
I was told I had to be there so I went, but when I got there, I was told I didn't have to stay, so I left.
Now remember, I have no attorney. I'm not ALLOWED to have an attorney.... I HAVE TO ACCEPT THE DOR... the attorney is THEIRS.. he advises THEM, I'm not allowed to talk to HIM and the DOR is not allowed to give ME 'legal advice.' So I really don't know what the Hell my rights even are, because as I said "I'm not ALLOWED to have an attorney. I HAVE to have the DOR's attorney represent THEM... because after all, they get 90% of the child support money.... so this case is about THEIR 'interests'... NOT MY KIDS!
Ain't that just loverly?
Now I didn't see him there either, so I don't know what's going on, and that's when I was told I didn't have to stay.
So I left and today, I get a call from Kay Howell at the DOR. She tells me that yesterday, they ordered the DNA testing, and that in a few weeks I would notified of when my appointment to bring the kids in is.
Well, here's the thing.
Thinking back, I did know my husband back when I met 'sperm seller' and we had been dating... so I guess technically, maybe, it's POSSIBLE that the kids COULD be his, right?
In fact, from what I have been told, since no father was NAMED on the kids birth certificates (because of an archaic law dating back to the 1800's, I wasn't allowed to put any name but the HUSBAND's on it, and I was still married to my first husband although we'd been separated for almost 2 years when my first child was born) once I disestablished his paternity, I could name any man I chose or any man willing to SIGN the birth certificate could sign it.
But because the morons at CSE now had a 'sworn statement' from me saying that 'sperm seller' was the father, I didn't know how that would affect my current husband's ability to just sign the damn thing and declare himself "LEGAL FATHER."
So I asked Kay this, and she gave me some rigamarole that I don't actually believe to be correct, about having to have the COURT establish paternity now... but the conversation once again turned to the fact that I do not want sperm seller in our lives.
And just to drive home my point about his 'personality'.... he wanted the kids, he used money to blackmail me into letting his mother see the kids... yet... he's never WILLINGLY signed their birth certificates (now, he might say here that what Kay Howell said is true there needs to be a court order, etc.. but if you read back through this blog, you can see plenty of evidence that he and his mother accuse me of REFUSING to let him sign their birth certificates... so I'm curious how he would reconcile that one if any of you, my dear readers, ever called him out on that 'conflicting evidence.)
So he's REFUSED to just cooperate in making himself the 'legal father.' Because we all know (if you read back through this blog) that once my divorce from my 1st husband was final, I BEGGED him to MAKE IT LEGAL before he went to WAR and he REFUSED (I believe his verbatim answer when asked to make it legal was "Fuck You You fucking bitch.)
And yesterday, he had an attorney there, and they requested DNA testing.... now if he REALLY wanted to actually CLAIM his kids, why not just say "I know their mine, let's get on with this."
Well, because he's a douchebage, we all know that, and because it stalls for more time, and more than likely, by the time anything can be done after that... he'll find some other US ARMY 'act' he can hide behind....
BUT... if he doesn't, and the paternity does get established at no cost to him, now it's not a whole lot of money to pay the lawyer to file for the 'custody or visitation'.
So he files, and these idiots give it to him because hey... his sociopathich personality doesn't mean jack... there's a genetic link.... he can now be a bad influence on the next generation and do his part to contribute to a whole new race of 'deadbeat dads' who will keep the DOR nice and busy with their fat paychecks.
So as I'm telling Kay Howell all this and why I am AFRAID of having this man in our lives, and so forth... do you know what she says to me?
"Well, have you ever filed for an exemption?"
I CAN REQUEST TO GET AN EXEMPTION FROM HAVING TO COOPERATE WITH CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT?
You've known for OVER A YEAR that I DON'T WANT child support from this man.... why didn'y you ever tell me this before?
Her answer: Well DCF is supposed to tell you this.
REALLY? Well, when I told you MONTHS ago that I didn't want to file, you never asked me THEN if I filed for this 'exemption'..... so how the Hell could you 'assume' I knew about it?
Don't you think if I did, I would have done it, considering that I was telling you how much I do not WANT this man in mine or my kids lives?
Seriously, this woman thinks I don't see through her circular statements, but I do. And frankly, I'm fed up with the DOR.
And the whole 'family court system.' It's a joke.
He left us, and when we NEEDED support we were told, "oh, too bad, your needs don't fit our criteria.... jump through hoops for a few years, while trying to support your kids yourself, just so we can OWN your case and get all the money!' ARGGG.....
She actually said to me "beware, if you close your state assistance and you ever need it again in the next 15 years, we'll have to start all over with this..."
DUH! Do you think that thought hasn't crossed my mind as a way to KEEP stalling YOU....
But now that I know about this 'exemption'... well, it may not have to come to that, but because she 'CONVIENTLY' waited until today to tell me about it... because now there is a COURT ORDER to do the DNA, so even if DOR withdraws the case, the court COULD still say "well, we already ordered the DNA test, so we're still going to have that done."
Like I don't know now, WHY this 'exemption' option was kept from me for so long.
She also said to me: "We've gone through a lot in these past three years."
I said "No, YOU haven't. I have. All the DOR has done is go... "oh good..loophole, we don't have to do anything."
And she had the NERVE to tell me how much money THEY had 'invested' in the case.... SERIOUSLY? Figure $500 a month in child support for 3.5 years... (4 by the time all is said and done).... That's $24,000 of MY KIDS MONEY!
So, here's the current status:
DNA test has been ordered, and I'm looking for a way out. I DON'T WANT THIS MAN IN MY KIDS LIVES! The only purpose he serves on the planet is to be used as a 'bad example.'
I can file for the exemption and if granted, keep state assistance without having to deal with HIM and this child support crap.
Close out state assistance, and DOR withdraws their case.
In either of the last two scenarios, however, the courts COULD still decide to force me to follow through with the DNA testing because the ORDER is already standing....
It sure would have been nice if I could have had a LAWYER tell me my right for this exemption before we got here, so that we could have avoided the order.
But that's why DCF and and CSE and DOR don't tell you about your 'options' and why they KEEP you from having a LAWYER.... so when they 'omit information' you have no idea until it's too late and they've already screwed you six ways from Sunday.