Sunday, July 26, 2009
My Reply To The Email in the previous post
I sit here, Sunday morning cup of coffee in hand, and heavy heart bestowed upon me.I would, and have, sacrifice my LIFE, and my own 'happiness' for my children just as this article suggests is the responsible thing for a parent to do. I was force into motherhood by their father who threatened to leave me if I did not have them, then force into 'single motherhod' when he was permitted to arbitrarily walk out on this family we created at HIS behest. I have remained single and lonely, because it is best for my children not to see men that I 'date' and be subjected to yet another man walking out on their lives, like their father did. And so, my own happiness of sharing my life with someone has been sacrificed for them. Yet "Dad" is freely 'living his dream' with no requirement of any responsibility to this family. My children's dad walked out on me when our son was 22 months old and I was pregnant with our second. He left us destitute and homeless. He had just joined the us army national guard reserves and refused to get a job to pay child support based on the fact that he was going to boot camp in 4 months. The reasons he thinks this behavior is acceptable are:*The #1 Reason that we have a 50% divorce rate and 'single parent' homes for our children is... "It is more profitable for the divorce lawyers, family services agencies, and even family therapists, to aid in the destruction of the family unit that it is to 'reunify' it." *A brother who has 'coached' him in the many ways to 'avoid support.'*A mother who publicly displays 'pride' all over the Internet every time he manages to avoid a court appearance to determine paternity and child support* Three separate 'family therapists' who tell me when we're 'alone' that he is abusive, yet, the TWO times I actually did manage to get him into a counselors office they never told HIM that he was abusive.[He only became this way after his brother moved to Florida from CT and became a center of influence in his life. His brother has no respect for women and is a drug addict.]*Counselors speak in half-truths to people. They say 'you need to make yourself happy' and allow patients to interpret that as"'if you're not happy in your marriage, it's ok to leave because you have to make yourself happy because you 'deserve' to be happy.'"*Family courts and Children and Family Services (and lawyers too)encourage the break up of the family unit by forcing one party or the other to file for child support with no mechnasim for 'mediation' and no one to 'note' the abuses that begin AFTER the filing, to file 'restraining orders' against the other under threat of taking the children away if you don't. This just causes the other party to view the custodial parent as being 'adversarial.' There is no effort by any 'authority-figure'' to 'intervene' in an attempt to 'reunify' the family unit. Instead, the profit for all these 'authorities' lies in assuring the destruction of the family, and so, under coersion an threats, the goal of destroying the familiy unit is achieved and the profits continue.*Friends who saw the changes in him, who verified that they saw it happen when the brother moved here, who would tell me that they stopped coming over because they couldn't stand the way he talked to me, yet would not tell him what they saw because they 'didn't want to get involved.'For two years, I fought with Child Support Enforcement to file for support, but in Florida, the legal represntation one gets from CSE is 'sub par' at best. When he finally was served, he invoked the Servicemens Civil Relief Act saying he was deploying to Iraq in a week and therefore could not submit to paternity. The state refuses to file and ask the courts not to uphold the SCRA and has stated that they will remove the benefits my children and I recieve if I close my CSE case and file myself. The courts won't hear my own case as long as CSE and DOR have it. So I'm 'stuck' with subpar legal representation, my children get nothing from their father, and I never even wanted his money, I just wanted him to be here and do whatever was necessary to keep our family healthy, happy and whole. If we're going to overhaul the 'family values' system of the United States, we are going to have to find a way to make the 'reunifying of the family' more profitable than the destruction of it is. My own blog, 'http://www.financialhelpforsinglemoms.blogspot.com' is a place for people to discuss these issues and brainstorm for ways to combat the 'me me me mentality that our society has become and stop subjecting our children to growing up in 'half families' because of this selfish behavior. Finding a way to create a profitable model' for the advocacy of keeping families together is going to be the only way we can ensure that parents start taking responsibility for thier families and realizing that you sacrifice your life AND your happiness for your children is what makes you a 'parent' and not a 'sperm donor' or 'biological parental unit.' One suggestion, is the institution of 'punitive damages' being cast upon the parent who chooses to leave... See 'http://www.financialhelpforsinglemoms.blogspot.com' for more.