A friend of mine is at the beginning of what is going to be a very nasty divorce, and the behavior that I am seeing from the wife is absolutely despicable.
Let me start by saying that I don't believe in the psychobabble bullshit about 'parental alienation.' If one parent is a complete douchebag, then that parent deserves to be held up as a douchebag... not held up as a 'role model' for what those kids should strive to be as wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, and sometimes even human beings.
It's like this... if you have one parent who is simply abusive, hateful, vindictive... then you most certainly want your children to know that those are not 'good' qualities, and not qualities they should strive to have in themselves, or accept in a partner. That's how the 'cycle of abuse' perpetuates.
It is your 'responsibility' to teach your children that said behavior is bad, and it's pretty damn difficult to do that if you don't acknowledge it as bad behavior in their own parent.
That said, your children not only don't need to know the 'nitty gritty' details, they also shouldn't be put in the middle of it, they shouldn't be used as weapons against the other parent, and nothing the other parent did wrong is an excuse for you to do even more wrong than they did, which includes those things I just mentioned, and more.
So, here's the deal... my friend cheated on his wife. Apparently, more than once. Throughout 34 years of marriage. But it was about 6 years ago, that he got sick, and wound up in the hospital for 58 days.
During which time, she took control of their entire lives, and when he came out of the hospital, told him that he didn't 'deserve' his car and was no longer allowed to drive it, and that she was going to be in control of everything from there on out.
Sometime after that, there was some 'event' in the house, in which his eldest daughter and him had a confrontation and she told her mother to call the cops and her mother said "Only if you're going to do something about it." (This is what the wife told ME, recently)
And so, the cops were called, a domestic violence injunction was issued, and he was out of the house for nearly a year.
During this time, she apparently was getting food stamps, but she went out and bought a rental property. Then a year later, she Quitclaimed it to her eldest daughter. (She told ME, recently, that she 'Had to have a talk with her [daughter] because she was getting 'territorial' about that house,) which says to me that she only put it in the kids name to hide the asset from welfare, the IRS and probably divorce court.) (She has also admitted to me, and I have verified with Section 8, that she gets all the rental income from that house, not her daughter.)
During the time that my friend was out of the house, he got sick again, and had to go into the hospital again. He was thrown out of the house with no money, so he wound up living in a church shelter, and because he was so sick, he was unable to work to make money.
She finally agreed to let him come back home and to try and work things out, on the condition that she would 'call the shots.'
He was sick, scared and all alone. He couldn't even qualify for Medicaid unless he was living at home where there were still children under the age of 18. So he agreed to her terms.
Once he was back in the house, she tried to push him to file for disability. But she still expected him to 'work under the table' (another thing she told me herself.)
She also bought three more houses (possibly 5) that she buried in a trust, with a Wyoming corporation serving as the Trustee... while still collecting food stamps! Which is WELFARE FRAUD!
And she wanted HIM to commit fraud too, by filing for disability AND 'working under the table.'
Well, he didn't file for disability. He believed he was going to get better and that they would deny him anyway, and that he needed to 'work,' which he couldn't do if he was trying to get disability. And he did continue to try to work. But every time he tried, within 1 month of the work of trying to find work, he wound up back in the hospital.
Finally, in 2013, when the hospital could not contain the infection, he had to have his left leg amputated just below the knee. And THAT is when he filed for disability.
And she still expected him to 'work - under the table.' Again, she told ME this, herself.
He managed to find one petition drive that they could do to earn some money, and he talked to the guy and set it up. This was someone that my friend had worked with in the past, so the guy already had my friend's SS number on file. My friends' wife demanded that the guy pay HER, directly, but she never gave that guy HER SS number, so he just filled out with the husband's SS number that he already had.
And so, my friend got a 1099 for all the money that SHE got, and when his disability attorney told him that the 1099 showed up in the case and was causing a problem, she advised them to amend it to the wife's name and file it with the IRS... but the wife refused and had the nerve to tell me "Well, he should have never gotten a 1099!"
When I asked her what she expected him to do when she never provided her SS number to the contractor (but she got and kept all the money from the job) she just changed the subject.
Now, shortly before the 1099 issue even came up, my friend's lawyer had called him and told him that he was approved and that in the next few weeks, he would be getting a letter from Social Security telling him what to do next.
Well, two months later... my friend hadn't heard anything.
*Now, his wife is getting about $1,800 in rental income from the rental properties, is getting food stamps, and is working too, but refuses to pay his cell phone bill or give him one penny of the marital income for ANYTHING he needs... so he lost his phone and when his car broke down, he had no money to fix it. So he became a prisoner in his own home. They don't even have a house phone for him to call anyone.
In fact, before he lost his phone, his car broke down, and she got a call for a babysitting gig one night and told him if he went and babysat, he could keep the money to fix his car. But she showed up at the end of the night, had the woman pay HER, and KEPT the money from him.
Now, without a car, he couldn't even go out to sell some of his stuff so he could pay for his phone, and he lost that next.
This is when he became a prisoner in his own home. His only means of communication was now email. So he emailed me, told me what was going on, and I went and picked him up so he could come to my house to call social security and his attorney, and find out what was going on.
When he called Social Security, they told him that the address they had on file for him was some P.O. Box that he had never even heard of. Turns out, his wife had given them that address.
When I asked her about it, she told me, "I did that for him, so that his mail would come faster, because if it comes to the house, I have it forwarded to the P.O. box, and the forwarding adds a week to how long it takes to get it."
I asked her, "Well why didn't you TELL him you did that?"
She said, "Because I don't want him to know I have a P.O. Box." Then she went off on some tirade about him having a P.O. Box for years... only, she knew about it, and he didn't have HER mail forwarded to it. He just it only for himself and for business mail. But none of that excuses her changing his address with Social Security and NOT telling HIM...
Anyone would think that her plan was to intercept that letter, call Social Security, and give them HER bank account number to deposit his money into. There is just no other acceptable reason for her to have had his address changed and NOT TOLD HIM.
So he called his attorney next, and that's when the attorney said that she would call Social Security to find out what was causing the delay. And it turned out, it was the 1099.
So he asked his wife to amend it, and she said she would. Then she didn't. And she didn't. And she didn't.
Finally, he asked me to talk to her... so I called her to discuss what was going on, and that's when she told me all of the things that I've already mentioned, and told me that she wasn't going to sign it unless he signed for a divorce.
I tried to explain to her that it doesn't work that way. You don't just 'sign' for the divorce, and 'poof' you're divorced. But that didn't matter, because it turned out that it wasn't a 'divorce' she wanted... it was a written agreement from him that in the divorce, he would agree to let her keep 100% of the rental properties PLUS... HALF of any 'cash' he got in 'back pay' from disability.
She expects that he will get about 5 years in 'back pay,' and at the least amount that he'll get, which is just a little over $1,000 a month... that's going to be $60,000 and she wants HALF of it.
In fact, she made it CLEAR to me that she's made sure she's told his kids what a 'bastard' he is, and that they all hate him, and "If he would let me keep all the houses and give me $30,000 in cash, that would really go a long way with the kids."
She also 'insisted,' that those rental properties are "so the kids can each have a house when I'm dead."
I tried explaining to her that with the value of her 'equity' (what she owes in debt on it, subtracted from what it's worth) she's got $90,000 in equity. Even if he does get $60,000 in 'back pay' from disability, at an 'equitable' split, (our state's LAW, she would STILL owe him $15,000! And we're a no-fault state, so the courts are NOT going to base an 'equitable distribution of the assets' in her favor just because he cheated.)
She tried to tell me that she doesn't believe the houses are worth anything. But when her husband said, "Fine, I'll give you $5,000 and I'll take over the house," she responded with a very sarcastic laugh and said "Yea, right... $5,000." We both then asked her, "If they're worthless, then getting $5,000 for something that's worthless is pretty good..." She changed the subject.
I know how to value real estate. I know what the houses are worth, I know what she owes, and I know that she knows what they're worth too, she's just playing 'dumb,' trying to make a case that they're not worth anything and therefore don't count as something she should have to share with him, so that it 'seems' like HIS money is ALL that there is... as if she has NOTHING but that.
Nonetheless, at that point he agreed that she could keep all the houses, and he would give her the $30,000 if he got $60,000.
And then things got even more interesting with her when I said to her,
"Well, what if he only gets 1 year's back pay and it's only about
$12,000... then he doesn't have to give you anything, right?"
And she said, "Well no, even if he only gets $12,000 he still has to give me some of it so I can pay for the lawyers."
About The Lawyers
Now, she's currently facing felony charges of 'taking advantage of the elderly' for swindling her own father out of $10,000 by getting him to sing for a credit card with a $10,000 limit on it so she could use it to fix up one of her houses, when he has dementia.
And she's also committing WELFARE FRAUD!
And their also in foreclosure on their own house, on the mortgage that her father was holding for them, but the step mother (who brought the charges against her for taking advantage of her father) had let the statute of limitations (SOL) run out on the foreclosure, and even though the SOL had run out, the step mother is claiming that they were 'building the other case' against the wife.
So they're paying a lawyer for that too.
Forget that she has $90,000 in equity in the 4 rental properties she has, and she could sell one or all of them to get the money to pay for her attorneys. She refuses to sell even ONE of the houses to keep herself out of jail, and save her homestead.
When she said that even if he only got $12,000 he would still need to give her money for her lawyers, while she was sitting on $90,000 in equity!
She offered to make 'payments' to him for whatever money he gave her out of his settlement... but she's already making $1,800 a month in rent from those houses, and at least another $600 in 'income' from her babysitting and pet-sitting and house-cleaning gigs, not paying a mortgage, and getting food stamps... but won't give him $35 a week for his phone, for gas in his car or to fix his car, or for his needles for his insulin or his test strips to test his sugar, or food.
At one point, he needed insulin and she didn't get it for him for 3 days.
At another point, he had gone into the hospital for chest pains, and wound up having to have a stint put in his heart. When he was released, he couldn't go pick up his prescriptions because he had no car, and he had no phone to make or get any phone calls from the pharmacy, so he had to rely on her to pick it up. The pharmacy was out of one of them, and told her to come back the next day. She never did, and within 3-4 weeks, he was back in the hospital and they had to go back in and redo the stint.
She continued to refuse to file that amended 1099
He instructed Social Security to change his address to my address and instructed his attorney not to discuss his case with his wife anymore. (His attorney did not obey this directive, however...)
He had instructed his attorney's to send all messages to me, because he had no phone and did not trust his wife to give him the messages.
At some point, while I spoke to his attorney regarding the situation and she told me to pick him up and take him to the Emergency room and have them admitted to the hospital 'psychological unit.'
However, before I could get over to his house to tell him what his attorney said, he had called me from the hospital... where he had been taken the night before because of chest pains.
I let his attorney know he was in there, and she informed me that she was calling for an 'emergency hearing.'
Three days later, she had not responded to any of my or his calls or texts asking for an update on the status of the emergency hearing and on Sunday, Father's Day, he was released from the hospital.
That afternoon, she called me and told me that he wanted me to pick him up from their house. She told me he was 'throwing furniture around.'
I told her to tell him to pack his stuff that because he was coming to stay with us.
My husband went to pick him up and when he got there, there was no evidence whatsoever of any furniture being 'thrown around,' and we discovered that she had changed cable companies and wouldn't give him the new Internet password, so he couldn't email me and that's why he wanted us to pick him up.
So we picked him up and he came to stay with us.
He can't even apply for his own food stamps because of the houses that she has (and has attempted to hide so she could commit her welfare fraud) because then HE will be committing welfare fraud too.
He has NO money to buy food, or his needles, or his test strips... and he's told her that all he needs is about $35- $50 a week... and she's telling him that her checking account is $1,100 overdrawn and she has no money to give him.
Now, we know the minimum income she has, we know what all her bills are, and we know that she not only has enough income for him to have what he needs, but also that if she would sell just ONE of the houses, they would both have enough money for what they need... her for the lawyers, and him to live until his disability comes through.
But she refuses to do anything that needs to be done, and she's going to end up in jail... for bouncing checks to publix (which, we're pretty sure is the reason her checking account is $1,100 overdrawn) for welfare fraud, and for taking advantage of the elderly, because once her prosecutor finds out about all this other fraud, and abuse of the disabled... there is no way that they are going to approve her for the 'pre-trial intervention.' And even if she manages to get that approved before any new charges are filed, the minute new charges are filed, her pre-trial intervention will be revoked and she'll go right back to jail.
Which is exactly what she deserves!
I tried to tell her that if she doesn't give him SOMETHING so he can LIVE, he'll be forced to file for divorce, and when he does, the courts will not only make her sell those rental properties and give him an equitable distribution of the proceeds from the sale, but may very well even award him 'temporary support' because he needs money to live on and she has no right to keep 100% of the marital income and give him NOTHING. Especially since he obviously cannot live there with no car, no phone and at her 'whim' for things like his medications.
She told me, "Well tell him not to."
Then she whined that I was 'threatening' her.
Here's what I heard: "Wahhh... I should be allowed to steal, commit fraud, abuse the elderly and the disabled, and take advantage of people and if anyone points out what I'm doing wrong and how it could come back to bite me in the ass, they're threatening poor little victim me."
Last week he told her that he needs money, and he even suggested a means to refinance the houses in such a way that her payment would stay close to the same, but they'd each get about $5,000 cash out of it, and she could have all the back end equity too.
She refused that as well.
And there is NO reason for that other than she just doesn't want him to have any money to live on.
And when I realized that that's just how spiteful, hateful and conniving she really is... I told her straight out that I fully intend to report her for welfare fraud.
And then she told me "Don't hurt me to help him. His kids won't appreciate it."
Well, no one's kids' 'appreciate' it when their mother gets put in jail for welfare fraud, and I told her that I don't give a damn if they 'appreciate it' or not... she doesn't get to get away with committing fraud, abusing the elderly and abusing the disabled, just because her kids won't 'appreciate' that she's going to have to face the consequences for it. (Besides, she has made it very clear to me that his kids already hate him, that she made sure of that, and that the only way for him to make them love him again is for him to give her money). Isn't that a wonderful example of a parent and a human being?
My friend has asked me repeatedly not to report her, because he's worried about having to go home to care for the three kids who are still living at home (one of whom is an adult) when they hate him, if she does go to jail.
But the way I see it, if she goes to jail, he'll have control of all that rental income, and can sell the houses himself, and get all the money from them, and buy his kids' love back as she has trained them to believe he should do, if he wants to.
But he won't be dying because this fraudster won't give up a lousy $35 a week so he can LIVE.
Cheating does not mean you should have to starve or die.
And btw, she told me during the first phone call I had with her that she could 'forgive' the cheating... she must have since she says he cheated when they were NEWLYWEDS, yet, she continued to stay with him for another 29 years!
It wasn't until he got sick and spent 58 days in the hospital back in 2008, and their money problems started that she wanted a divorce because he cheated. Funny how she could forgive the cheating until there were money problems.
And, when he went into the hospital, he had $2,000 in the bank, and $6,000 in the car that they had to work with...
Which brings us to another one of her ridiculous claims, that it was HER (and the kids) who did all the 'work' in the family business, while her husband did nothing but sit around in his office.
First of all, someone who was friends with all of us, who is still my friend but not theirs, told me that it was always HER who was kicking the kids out of bed at 6am to make them go to 'work' in those petition drives, and that it was HER who EVERYONE was afraid of... that she would scream and beat the kids. Not the husband. And this friend has no reason to cover for the husband because he can't stand the husband any more than he can stand the wife.
Secondly, when I asked her, "If what he did to put those deals to get those drives was so easy, then could you have done it?"
Her answer was "Well, yes, I'm sure I could have."
When I then asked, "Well then why didn't you?"
She changed the subject again...
Those petition drives make a Hell of a lot more money than 'rental properties' or baby-sitting, or pet-sitting or cleaning jobs do.
But she wasn't out there getting them... because it's not as easy as she thinks it is.
But that doesn't fit her story about what a 'slave' she is....
Oh, and I should probably also mention that in that first phone call she told me, a whole bunch of other things...
"I'm not a leader, I'm a follower. I want to follow."
"I don't understand all this financial stuff. I don't even understand the mortgages I have on these houses."
"I don't know what I'm going to do when the balloon payments on these mortgages is up, I don't even know when it's up..."
Now does this sound like someone who should be 'in charge of money?'
Not to me. And certainly not when with all that income, and no bills, she's still taking advantage of the elderly to fund buying those houses, while getting food stamps and committing fraud to do it, and abusing a disabled man and keeping him from the marital money that he has a marital right to, just for his own survival for food and medicines he needs.
His cheating is not a valid reason to condemn him to death. Divorce, fine. But death? Especially when the woman he cheated on is committing fraud, and taking advantage of the elderly and abusing the disabled.... all for things that don't have a blessed thing to do with her husband's cheating.
So now she's told him to 'control' ME and make me NOT report her...She told him that if I do, she will see to it that none of his kids ever speak to him again. And that if she goes to jail that there will be no money to take care of the kids.
Except that she doesn't seem to understand that because those houses are 'marital assets,' guess what, all he has to do is call Section 8 and tell them she's in jail, and they'll send the rent checks to HIM.
And that includes the two more houses we just found out about today too!
And he'll have HER car, and her cell phone, so he can take her calls for baby-sitting and pet-sitting and find someone to go 'do' the jobs!
Oh, and this shrew who insisted that he file for disability in the first place.. patted him on the head and made fun of him, "aww... poor disabled man," when I told her that in my eyes she was abusing a disabled man.
So she she wanted him to file for disability, but doesn't want to admit that he's disabled... once again, proving that she's perfectly ok with committing fraud!
So, really, after seeing everything this witch has done, and all her threats to make his kids hate him, which she already has done, and all her economic strangulation of her husband, and trying to kill him by starving him of food and medications that he needs to live, I've decided that she needs to be in jail.
And she's made sure to tell her husband that if she goes to jail, that her kids are going to blame HIM... even though it's ME and he's asked me not to do it.
So to his kids, seriously... your mother makes me SICK. She is a two-faced, lying, back stabbing, fraud who has abused the elderly, has abused the disabled and who above all is committing welfare fraud!
And while doing all this, always putting on these airs of 'self-righteous indignation,' sitting in judgment on everyone else about 'everything.' Like the guy on the bike she hit recently, and automatically, without knowing ANYTHING about the guy, came out with "He must have been high" the second she hit him.
And I'd be money that she'd also be one of the sanctimonious assholes who would demand drug testing for welfare recipients... because smoking a joint is unacceptable but a miserable, greedy bitch like her can use food stamps to feed her kids so that she can use her 'money' to build 'wealth' in real estate... while trying to kill her own husband.
So it's ME who is turning your mother in kiddos... because she's a sociopath who will hurt anyone, take advantage of anyone, and steal from anyone so she can build 'wealth,' at everyone else's expense. And no person like that should be allowed to walk free.