I have a friend who lives in Egypt who is a muslim. He was in love with a Christian girl,I' and though his family nearly disowned him for it, he abandoned his belief system to be with this girl, and even lived with her outside of marriage. He says he gave her everything and did everything for her and still she left him. We had a deep conversation about how to cope with this kind of 'grief' and trying to counsel him, especially after yesterday's post about the effects of divorce on children, I found much insight. I would like to share this insight.
Because I went against my own families 'value systems' to be with Mike, they shunned me, and when he left, there was now no Mike AND no family. And I found myself all alone.
Love is NOT the 'romantic' stuff you see in movies and on TV. Love is a 'decision' you make
But we live in a world where people have forgotten that
Up until about the last 100 years or so, 'marriage' was about the merger and protection of assets, and procreation. The larger the family, the bettter the family's chance of survival
This is why marriages were 'arranged' and arranged by 'class'
I was definitely in the 'elitist' class, and Mike was 'the boy from the wrong side of the tracks"
But I was not 'born' into the 'elitist' class. I worked to get there, something that until the creation of the United States, was not possible
This has it's good points and it's bad points.
Had I not been able to 'climb' out of the poverty I was born to, I would have been in the same social class as Mike was and still is
But, because in the US we CAN do that, I believed that because I did, he COULD
But he could not. He was raised 'white trash' and he will always be 'white trash'
Because children emulate what they see
And in the US, if you do not climb out of the 'lower class life' it's because you do not want to. Anyone CAN. But the reasons people 'don't' are generally centered on how they were 'raised'. And when you are raised by people who 'accept' their lot in life, and who think that if you are 'successful' you must be a 'bad' person, it's difficult to overcome that.and in the US, if you do not climb out of the 'lower class life' it's because you do not want to. Anyone CAN. But the reasons people 'don't' are generally centered on how they were 'raised'. And when you are raised by people who 'accept' their lot in life, and who think that if you are 'successful' you must be a 'bad' person, it's difficult to overcome that.
These people will use these 'beliefs' as excuses to be 'irresponsible', such as not paying thier bills, letting their driver licenses get suspended and walking out on their families.
Right now, Mike is fighting in Iraq for my 'freedom'. Yet, he felt no obligation to fight for our 'family.'
If I had it to do all over again, I would have remained married to the man who was of my social class and level of education.
Marriage and procreation are our 'responsibilites' to God and to society. It is best not to put ourselves, and our children, in the danger zone of failing that goal.
Their dad did not just 'leave' me. He left me broke, my life in shambles, pregnant and facing a terrible illenss, and homeless, with no support system (which he KNEW)
The last 2 years of my life have been Hell.
Some days, I think God is punishing me.
But then I think, 'but He gave me these 2 beautiful little boy angels' and if He wanted me to be 'punished' he would not have given them to me, and so He must have some plan. Maybe they are my chance for redemption and salvation. I do not know.