Sharon, Rich's ex, and also fighting for YEARS of back child support and a victim of Rich and Kelly's 'game', has been eamailing Rich asking about child support. He's refused to answerk, but instead, writes things like you're about to see. He's the one in BOLD.
Sharon has repeatedly e-mailed Rich asking him when he plans on paying his child support. He refuses to respond in writing, just keeps trying to get her to 'call' him on the phone. She knows that it will be the same redirect on the phone, accusations and misdirection, and still no ANSWERS as is his standard MO, and so she won't bother. Every email she sends to him he replies with accusations about her and 'her friend' (me), accuses us of all sorts of things from having bad marriages, to using drugs, to being 'nuts.' But the thing is, WE are not the ones refusing to answer questions and playing 'games' to avoid the questions.
He claims he won't answer her question in an email because she will 'pervert' the answers with 'cut and paste.' I've sent her the screen shots of the yahoo status messages that he puts out to threaten to call cops on me, call me names, and so on, and guess what... THEY'RE SHOTS OF THE ACTUAL SCREEN! They can't be "cut and paste."
This is his last email to her. It's WHOLE. I just 'interrupted' to answer each sentence individually.
So, these are MY retorts to what this asshole has to say, and the question still remains:
RICH: WHEN DO YOU PLAN TO PAY YOUR CHILD SUPPORT?
Now, on to his e-mail. His psychotic redirect is in BOLD, my responses aren't.
Ok, THIS is 'cut and paste,' Asshole.
Rich: I never metioned Steven's conditions. I commented on your new friend who refuses treatment, as a result lives in her own world with friends like you.
1.)The treatment for the depression I suffered from, was to get the abusive people who were causing the depression out of my life.The 'treatment' along with meds for 'situational depression' (the situation being you and your loser brother, combined with PPD) was prescribed by a THERAPIST AND A DR in July 2007.
2.)Most people who are in a state of depression aren't able to accept it, since that seems like it will make matters worse. No one 'refuses' it. But it can be hard to accept. Especially when 'family' is the cause of it, and you have no way to get rid of them.
3.)Cymbalta, too harsh. Prozac, got pregnant. Lexapro,after Daniel was born, on for about 4 months. Dr took me off. Without scumbags around, ripping me off and talking shit about me behind my back while using me for a place to stay, the depression lifted. Imagine that. You sorry ass piece of SHIT.
Rich: I dont have to take up anything with her, shes nuts. Shes your friend you deal with her and her lies. Shes your problem and my brothers.
Then why do YOU seem to think you're 'in charge' of child support, and why are you the one sending the harassing and threatening status messages, calling her disgusting names. If you truly believed she was mentally ill, you would have 'sympathy' for someone in so much turmoil. The fact that you use it to hurt her, shows that you're a SICK FUCK.
Rich: I can tell you I live and work without a worry of you or a nut job like her.The both of you have poor relationships with everyone because you spend more time on the internet than living your own life.
oh, I've got a couple hundred screen shots that say otherswise. You send your status messages to us all day long, all night long.
Rich: I work at my life , thats whyI have a real marraige not someone who sleeps in another room or in your friends case married by a Notary
You got married in LAS VEGAS! How tacky. At least my wedding was COOL, and something no one else has ever done. I sleep in the same room and bed with my husband. You slept in separate COUNTRIES for over a year. And we both sleep in the same room and bed, with our husbands.
Rich: My wife and I work hard for what we have and we have what we want. We dont blame others for our lives, we dont come home from work and lock ourself in our room and smoke pot like others.
You live off others, paying no rent, letting them foot the bills, buy your cigarettes, put gas in their car that they let you drive to a job where you collect a paycheck and then spend on pills. And I know I don't smoke pot. Sharon? Do you smoke pot? No, you couldn't. You wouldn't have insomnia if you did.
Rich: We work at our life without dwelling on others and spending our life on the internet wasting time on others instead of ourselves.
Again... couple hundred screen shots that say otherwise
Rich: My life is not cut and paste. I can form independant thought without the use of a mouse.
Really? Let's see your so-called site/blog. You can't 'cut and paste' SCREEN SHOTS you NIMROD.
Rich: I dont have to use quotes from others or the movies, right or wrong i can think all by myself.
Then why are the questions you're asked in regard to child support the same mantra that all other deadbeat dad sperm donors like you spout off at the mouth about?
Rich: I dont hide behind a blog or a website, maybe i shoul like you and you friend.
No, You hide behind fake names (Gary Demko) on Yahoo, you psychotic stalker.
Rich:I may not hide behind a web site but Kelly and I have one, unlike you and Vanessa MINE WORKS for something other than bad advice or attempting to bash someone.
Oh yeah, Catch The Gator. What a piece of shit that site was. Which last I checked, doesn't work. And that other piece of shit, the “Traffic A La Carte WSO”.... EPIC FAIL.
While you and Vanessa spend time writing junk about others I spend my time working hard For Rachel and Kelly and they benifit and appreciiate it.
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS! NOT ONE MENTION OF WORKING FOR THE TWO KIDS HE LEFT IN CALIFORNIA AND HAS REFUSED TO EVEN PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR! HE WORKS FOR HIS SECOND WIFE AND KID, WITH NO REGARD FOR THE FACT THAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO WORK FOR ALL HIS KIDS.
What a pathetic excuse for a man, father, and human being.
Showing posts with label deadbeat dads list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deadbeat dads list. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Single Mom's Revenge!
Ok, it's been well over six months since I said I was going to overhaul this blog, but I did get a little sidetracked after meeting the man I am finally proud to have my kids call "Daddy." But a new day is dawning, and it's time to take the bull by the horns.
I've been in contact with Deadbeat Dad "Brothers" ex-wife. For those of you who follow this blog, my ex's brother is a "Deadbeat Dad Hall of Famer" and he was the COACH in getting my ex to avoid paying child support for two and a half years so far.
The few months that my ex did pay, however, were immediately met with brother's dissent. No one thinks it's a coincidence that Daddy only started to pay at the exact same time his brother came home from Iraq and started threatening me and stalking me on the Internet again.
The sociopaths knew exactly what they were doing. Pay, but don't sign the birth certificates, this way, demand I send my children to the grandmother to get the money, brother will threaten me and harass me, until I say "ENOUGH" and refuse to let the kids go up there anymore, and then he won't pay again.
They 'think' that no one 'knows' their little 'game plan.'
WRONG!
I've been very lucky to have found Sharon. The brother's ex wife. She lives in California and has an entire site dedicated to child support and resources, but as she and I both know and can tell you, as can many other mothers, getting child support is a JOKE. The agencies are set up to fail at their task. It creates 'job security' for government workers.
Well, we've had enough. We're going to do what no one has ever done before.
Since these losers don't want to help support their kids, we're going to use the story of what they have done to us, to make money.
We'll have coffee cups and t-shirts, tote bags, and books on 'dirty divorce tricks.'
We're going for the jugular. Since society and government has refused to hold men accountable for the children they make, we'll make the Internet world hold them accountable.
We're starting of with a Cafe Press Store for now. We'll be expanding to the books soon. Leave your comments HERE! Tell us what you want!
How about a "Deadbeat Dad" T-shirt with your ex's mug right smack in the middle of a target that says "The only GOOD Deadbeat Dad is a DEAD Deadbeat Dad"
Or A Tote, with an x across his smirking face that purports- "I Upped My Standards- Up Yours"
Give us your ideas, your slogans.
Once the Cafe Press Store is up, we'll be moving on the ebay store. We'll be building a site with a blog soon too. You can tell your stories, especially your very own 'getting even' story, and we'll publish it.
Hell hath no fury like a Momma protecting her cubs!
Next post... The Cafe Press Store Is Open ( I need to get a few graphics together, but maybe tonight or tomorrow.)
I've been in contact with Deadbeat Dad "Brothers" ex-wife. For those of you who follow this blog, my ex's brother is a "Deadbeat Dad Hall of Famer" and he was the COACH in getting my ex to avoid paying child support for two and a half years so far.
The few months that my ex did pay, however, were immediately met with brother's dissent. No one thinks it's a coincidence that Daddy only started to pay at the exact same time his brother came home from Iraq and started threatening me and stalking me on the Internet again.
The sociopaths knew exactly what they were doing. Pay, but don't sign the birth certificates, this way, demand I send my children to the grandmother to get the money, brother will threaten me and harass me, until I say "ENOUGH" and refuse to let the kids go up there anymore, and then he won't pay again.
They 'think' that no one 'knows' their little 'game plan.'
WRONG!
I've been very lucky to have found Sharon. The brother's ex wife. She lives in California and has an entire site dedicated to child support and resources, but as she and I both know and can tell you, as can many other mothers, getting child support is a JOKE. The agencies are set up to fail at their task. It creates 'job security' for government workers.
Well, we've had enough. We're going to do what no one has ever done before.
Since these losers don't want to help support their kids, we're going to use the story of what they have done to us, to make money.
We'll have coffee cups and t-shirts, tote bags, and books on 'dirty divorce tricks.'
We're going for the jugular. Since society and government has refused to hold men accountable for the children they make, we'll make the Internet world hold them accountable.
We're starting of with a Cafe Press Store for now. We'll be expanding to the books soon. Leave your comments HERE! Tell us what you want!
How about a "Deadbeat Dad" T-shirt with your ex's mug right smack in the middle of a target that says "The only GOOD Deadbeat Dad is a DEAD Deadbeat Dad"
Or A Tote, with an x across his smirking face that purports- "I Upped My Standards- Up Yours"
Give us your ideas, your slogans.
Once the Cafe Press Store is up, we'll be moving on the ebay store. We'll be building a site with a blog soon too. You can tell your stories, especially your very own 'getting even' story, and we'll publish it.
Hell hath no fury like a Momma protecting her cubs!
Next post... The Cafe Press Store Is Open ( I need to get a few graphics together, but maybe tonight or tomorrow.)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
My Forgotten Father
Today is November 15, 2009 and on Nov 13, it was exactly two years since my boys' Daddy deserted us, leaving us homeless and destitute. I had a roommate for a long time, but for the past month or so, it has just been the boys and me. Last night, a friend decided to tell me how well she thought I was doing on my own. I believe she is trying to 'give' me strength by telling me how strong I am. The power of suggestion, after all, is very strong and I know she wants me to be strong.
I really appreciate how supportive my friend is trying to be, but I pretend that all is fine and I put on a happy face for my kids, even though, inside, I feel empty. I cannot even begin to describe what this is like. I have no joy, as much as I like to act like I do for my kids sake, I can't help but wonder if they don't 'feel' my emptiness. As a child of divorce, I know the hurt and confusion that a child experiences when there is an absent parent.
This is how I felt about my absentee father.
Mom always seemed overwhelmed at the amount of attention I needed, as I now feel overwhelmed by the amount of attention my kids needed. You had no right to abandon me to that life, and my kids Dad no right to do it to our kids either.
I knew when you asked for a paternity test when Mom took you to court for child support. I hate you for playing the "I'm not your child game" just to avoid supporting me while to my face you told me how much you loved me and that my mother wasn't a 'fit' mother. She may not have been a 'fit' mother, but she was a damn sigth better than you. At least she was there.
The way you treated her, the things you did to her, left scars on her soul. I had to live with the repercussion of how your atrocious behavior affected her. She was closed off, cold, distant, distrustful, secretive. I felt like a burden, a dissappointment an intrusion. I know now that she was overwhelmed being a single mother, and I see myself turning into that same person. Although I know I don't want to be that person, the forces of nature are what they are and my emotions are no different than any other mother's emotions when struggling to raise kids alone. You cannot fight Mother Nature and win.
I did without a lot of things. Even when you paid your measly child support, it made nary a dent in the cost of raising me. I always felt like an outsider to my friends because my 'parent' had a single income, doubly restricted by the fact that she was also the only one available to 'raise' me and take time off work for doctors, dentist, sick days, etc, making a 'career' for her nearly impossible. she was stuck in menial jobs that worked around my schedule and this stretched our budget even further.
Our society is not set up to allow one person to raise a child alone. You thought you had no responsibiltiy to me, and I hate you for it. You are gone now, but your crimes live on, and my children suffer the same fate I did.
To my kids dad: This is how your kids will feel too. None of your "I love you, buddy" ies, will cover what you did when you abandoned them. They are smart, they will know the things you've said and the things you've done. You can't 'fake' your heart with words. Your actions speak volumes. They will not accept your 'excuses.' Neither will I, and neither should anyone have to.
I really appreciate how supportive my friend is trying to be, but I pretend that all is fine and I put on a happy face for my kids, even though, inside, I feel empty. I cannot even begin to describe what this is like. I have no joy, as much as I like to act like I do for my kids sake, I can't help but wonder if they don't 'feel' my emptiness. As a child of divorce, I know the hurt and confusion that a child experiences when there is an absent parent.
This is how I felt about my absentee father.
Mom always seemed overwhelmed at the amount of attention I needed, as I now feel overwhelmed by the amount of attention my kids needed. You had no right to abandon me to that life, and my kids Dad no right to do it to our kids either.
I knew when you asked for a paternity test when Mom took you to court for child support. I hate you for playing the "I'm not your child game" just to avoid supporting me while to my face you told me how much you loved me and that my mother wasn't a 'fit' mother. She may not have been a 'fit' mother, but she was a damn sigth better than you. At least she was there.
The way you treated her, the things you did to her, left scars on her soul. I had to live with the repercussion of how your atrocious behavior affected her. She was closed off, cold, distant, distrustful, secretive. I felt like a burden, a dissappointment an intrusion. I know now that she was overwhelmed being a single mother, and I see myself turning into that same person. Although I know I don't want to be that person, the forces of nature are what they are and my emotions are no different than any other mother's emotions when struggling to raise kids alone. You cannot fight Mother Nature and win.
I did without a lot of things. Even when you paid your measly child support, it made nary a dent in the cost of raising me. I always felt like an outsider to my friends because my 'parent' had a single income, doubly restricted by the fact that she was also the only one available to 'raise' me and take time off work for doctors, dentist, sick days, etc, making a 'career' for her nearly impossible. she was stuck in menial jobs that worked around my schedule and this stretched our budget even further.
Our society is not set up to allow one person to raise a child alone. You thought you had no responsibiltiy to me, and I hate you for it. You are gone now, but your crimes live on, and my children suffer the same fate I did.
To my kids dad: This is how your kids will feel too. None of your "I love you, buddy" ies, will cover what you did when you abandoned them. They are smart, they will know the things you've said and the things you've done. You can't 'fake' your heart with words. Your actions speak volumes. They will not accept your 'excuses.' Neither will I, and neither should anyone have to.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Double Standards, Mass Confusion, The Exodus Awaits
Today, I was reading the Dr. Phil newsletter that I subscribe to by email. Of course, I'm a huge fan of Dr. Phil, since, as everyone knows, I like that he can tell it like it is to his 'patients' without the fear of losing the 'paycheck'. The fear which causes therapists in general to mollycoddle everyone and not just force the accountability and responsibility that so many of us "free thinking Americans" have come to decided is meant for everyone but us.
But, enough about therapists, this is not about that food chain. This is about double standards. I've been reading about this 21 year old girl named Alex, who had one baby at 15, and then married a man and had another baby, and is now divorcing the husband and the kids are living with Alex's parents because of some 'contract' the girl signed when she was only 15, stating that she would not live with a man she was not married to. Now, aside from the fact that I take issue with anyone trying to 'coerce' a 15 year old girl into signing such a document in the first place, and aside from the fact that I do not see how in Hell it could be enforceable by law, seeing as how she was only 15 and not of legal age to even enter into a contractual agreeement, I am also taking issue with the fact that anyone would think they had the right to impose and/or enforce such an agreement. I think it's a huge legal blunder to co-habitate without the protection of marriage, but it's not a crime and should never be used against anyone in a custody battle.
But, that's not the point either. My point is this: I've seen tons of people jumping all over this young woman, claiming that she is choosing a 'man' over her son and allowing her son to go live with her parents because she won't give up the boyfriend. Now, I may not agree with her decision, or her choice of boyfriend for that matter, or any number of other things that I see her doing wrong with her life, however, I see something that has irritated the living hell out of me since I was forced, against my will, into single mommyhood, and that is a consensus of people who think it fine to tell this woman that she is not being a good mother. Yet, I find no one, and no one, telling men who walk out on their children, refuse to support them, treat the mommy's like garbage, that they are bad fathers.
Sure, I've heard millions of people SAY it to a crowd of strangers, but I want to see ONE person tell a deadbeat dad, FACE TO FACE, what these people are willing to say to a mother about what it means to be a parent. So to all the 'bloggers' of the world, who want to hide behind a nameless, faceless keyboard screen, I say this
"GROW A PAIR. UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO UNITE AND MARCH UP TO ONE SINGLE SOLITARY, LONE DEADBEAT DAD AND CRITICIZE HIM AS A PARENT, DON'T CRITICIZE THE MOM'S AGAIN, AND FOR GOD'S SAKE SHUT UP!"
/RANT
But, enough about therapists, this is not about that food chain. This is about double standards. I've been reading about this 21 year old girl named Alex, who had one baby at 15, and then married a man and had another baby, and is now divorcing the husband and the kids are living with Alex's parents because of some 'contract' the girl signed when she was only 15, stating that she would not live with a man she was not married to. Now, aside from the fact that I take issue with anyone trying to 'coerce' a 15 year old girl into signing such a document in the first place, and aside from the fact that I do not see how in Hell it could be enforceable by law, seeing as how she was only 15 and not of legal age to even enter into a contractual agreeement, I am also taking issue with the fact that anyone would think they had the right to impose and/or enforce such an agreement. I think it's a huge legal blunder to co-habitate without the protection of marriage, but it's not a crime and should never be used against anyone in a custody battle.
But, that's not the point either. My point is this: I've seen tons of people jumping all over this young woman, claiming that she is choosing a 'man' over her son and allowing her son to go live with her parents because she won't give up the boyfriend. Now, I may not agree with her decision, or her choice of boyfriend for that matter, or any number of other things that I see her doing wrong with her life, however, I see something that has irritated the living hell out of me since I was forced, against my will, into single mommyhood, and that is a consensus of people who think it fine to tell this woman that she is not being a good mother. Yet, I find no one, and no one, telling men who walk out on their children, refuse to support them, treat the mommy's like garbage, that they are bad fathers.
Sure, I've heard millions of people SAY it to a crowd of strangers, but I want to see ONE person tell a deadbeat dad, FACE TO FACE, what these people are willing to say to a mother about what it means to be a parent. So to all the 'bloggers' of the world, who want to hide behind a nameless, faceless keyboard screen, I say this
"GROW A PAIR. UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO UNITE AND MARCH UP TO ONE SINGLE SOLITARY, LONE DEADBEAT DAD AND CRITICIZE HIM AS A PARENT, DON'T CRITICIZE THE MOM'S AGAIN, AND FOR GOD'S SAKE SHUT UP!"
/RANT
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Who Is More Afraid Of A Thief Than A Thief?
I almost don't even want to tell the story. Beyond the anger, is an inherent sadness that has left me feeling depleted. If you've followed this blog, and know my story, you know that my kids' 'sperm seller' was the love of my life. When I first met him, his mother adored me, but when I ran out of money, things changed. She now supported his decision to abandon our family. She knew that my son and I had no electricity in our house and that I was broke and pregnant. She also knew that both of her sons were stealing from me.
Now, after about a month of spending time with her, and having her watch the boys for me every day, the time for my older boys' surgery has been scheduled. It is 6 days from now, and I've run out of money to keep paying for this motel I've been staying at in order to be close to her until this surgery is over. My roommate has been here with me, and though I have my issues with her work ethic and attitude, she never stole from me, and she was there the day my second baby was born. She was the very first person to have ever held that baby and she has taken care of him since that day.
I told Dianne, Mike's mother, that we found a place to stay and that we have to leave Monday. She asked me then, who was going to take care of the baby when the older boy has his surgery. I told her that I would ask a friend to watch the dog for a couple of days, and that my roommate, the kids, and I would stay with her and my roommate could watch the baby while we took the older boy for his surgery.
Dianne said she didn't want my roommate staying at her house alone. Now, this is the woman who HARBORED, hid, and lied about, MY STOLEN PROPERTY. My property that her sons STOLE from me, and she is worried about my roommate being alone in HER house? Is she afraid my roommate will steal back all MY stolen items?
I really thought that she was making an effort to be a 'family' to my kids, but I can see now, this is an act. I haven't specified what the 'ulterior motive' is here yet, but I have my ideas, and I'm sure that no good will come of her actions as of late. It still makes me angry, but I think my grieving process is now turning to despair. Despair for the fact that things will never change.
Now, after about a month of spending time with her, and having her watch the boys for me every day, the time for my older boys' surgery has been scheduled. It is 6 days from now, and I've run out of money to keep paying for this motel I've been staying at in order to be close to her until this surgery is over. My roommate has been here with me, and though I have my issues with her work ethic and attitude, she never stole from me, and she was there the day my second baby was born. She was the very first person to have ever held that baby and she has taken care of him since that day.
I told Dianne, Mike's mother, that we found a place to stay and that we have to leave Monday. She asked me then, who was going to take care of the baby when the older boy has his surgery. I told her that I would ask a friend to watch the dog for a couple of days, and that my roommate, the kids, and I would stay with her and my roommate could watch the baby while we took the older boy for his surgery.
Dianne said she didn't want my roommate staying at her house alone. Now, this is the woman who HARBORED, hid, and lied about, MY STOLEN PROPERTY. My property that her sons STOLE from me, and she is worried about my roommate being alone in HER house? Is she afraid my roommate will steal back all MY stolen items?
I really thought that she was making an effort to be a 'family' to my kids, but I can see now, this is an act. I haven't specified what the 'ulterior motive' is here yet, but I have my ideas, and I'm sure that no good will come of her actions as of late. It still makes me angry, but I think my grieving process is now turning to despair. Despair for the fact that things will never change.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The smell of the scheme is getting stronger
Well, here it is, folks. The "Deadbeat Dad" in question, now is offering $150.00 a week in child support, plus, he conveniently has $2,498.00 just 'lying around' to pay for our sons dental care. Now, I have medical coverage that will cover the baby's dental work, but he doesn't want our son to have a 'welfare' doctor, and of course, it's going to cut into the child support he's agreed to give me by $150.00 this month.
And of course, the mother who thought it was ok for him to leave me, thinks I should somehow be 'grateful' that he's willing to do this since she seems to think that I should be responsible for 50% of the cost of his dental work, despite the fact that I have insurance.
Rather than let me use my insurance and actually pay ME the money he has owed me for two years in child support (and that's not counting paying me back for all the money he and his brother stole from me) he will pay it to a dentist and have an excuse not to pay the chid support he just agreed to.
Want to really add insult to injury? First, he still has put NOTHING in writing saying that he is 'agreeing' to pay child support, and second, he refuses to discuss the situation with ME. He seems to think it's acceptable that I allow his mother to be the 'mediator.'
The mother who raised one son to steal from the other's girlfriend, and her second son to leave his girlfriend over the fact that she refused to let the brother keep doing it. Oh yeah.. she's a great one to be 'impartial' here, right?
This dentist can't put our son under a general anastesia. Only a twilight. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, but Daddy Dearest has said (through his Mommy of course) that he will not help with the bill if I don't go to THIS doctor, and that he will not pay child support unless I do it HIS way.
Does anyone besides me wonder if his refusal to communicate WITH ME is because he doesn't want me to have a written record of his bullying?
Obama needs to make a grant for single mom's to have real lawyers for deadbeat dads. Instead of the useless child support enforcement agencies that have let him get away with it for TWO YEARS!
And of course, the mother who thought it was ok for him to leave me, thinks I should somehow be 'grateful' that he's willing to do this since she seems to think that I should be responsible for 50% of the cost of his dental work, despite the fact that I have insurance.
Rather than let me use my insurance and actually pay ME the money he has owed me for two years in child support (and that's not counting paying me back for all the money he and his brother stole from me) he will pay it to a dentist and have an excuse not to pay the chid support he just agreed to.
Want to really add insult to injury? First, he still has put NOTHING in writing saying that he is 'agreeing' to pay child support, and second, he refuses to discuss the situation with ME. He seems to think it's acceptable that I allow his mother to be the 'mediator.'
The mother who raised one son to steal from the other's girlfriend, and her second son to leave his girlfriend over the fact that she refused to let the brother keep doing it. Oh yeah.. she's a great one to be 'impartial' here, right?
This dentist can't put our son under a general anastesia. Only a twilight. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, but Daddy Dearest has said (through his Mommy of course) that he will not help with the bill if I don't go to THIS doctor, and that he will not pay child support unless I do it HIS way.
Does anyone besides me wonder if his refusal to communicate WITH ME is because he doesn't want me to have a written record of his bullying?
Obama needs to make a grant for single mom's to have real lawyers for deadbeat dads. Instead of the useless child support enforcement agencies that have let him get away with it for TWO YEARS!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
An Open Letter To The Mother Of My Deadbeat Dad
I've had some conversations with the sperm donors mother over the past two days, and what it comes down to is this.
Here's the letter:
Dianne,
Some of the things you have said to me have caused me to stay up all night, thinking of questions I have to put to you.
How dare you say that I am 'too spoiled and selfish' to have children?
Let me clue you in, I am not the one who was so selfish as to abandon them when they needed me the most, to provide food and shelter. I believe the truly 'spoiled and selfish' has taken that trophy. When Mike couldn't provide, I did. When I couldn't he walked out, and he didn't just leave... he tried to kill me in every way possible.
He took MY TRUCK so I couldn't make a living.
He ROBBED MY HOUSE when I wasn't here.
He helped RUIN the only way I could make a living by outing me on the one place I was still making money...
You stood idly by and let all of this happen,even ENCOURAGED it for God's sake, and you have the nerve to talk about what MY FAMILY does to me...
TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK at what YOUR FAMILY... did to me.
Do you want to know the truth finally about why I didn't want to have a child? It was because I never believed that Mike wasn't too spoiled to walk out if the going got tough. Guess what. I was right.
It was because I knew by the example you set, that Mike has no sense of responsibility.
You condemn my family for the way they treat me, yet, the way your family treated me was horrific. You have your say about my family and I let you say it, but when you are done, and I come back at you with the things your family did to me, you interrupt me with "I'm not going to talk about it."
HOW DARE YOU!
How dare you have the nerve to condemn ANYONE for the way they treat people when you treated YOUR GRANDCHILDREN to the most grandiose drama to have ever graced the stage of parental alienation...
You were a conductor in the orchestrated plot to destroy my family.
You behaved like white trash, with your attacks on me and mine and then 'shutting down' with "I'm not going to talk about that' when faced with the mirror images of your own DISGUSTING behavior.
You speak with a forked tongue. Telling Mike how wonderful I am when I take you on a cruise, and then spitting venom about me behind my back when the money ran out, starting stupid fights about an imaginary 'haircut' so you could set a stage for him to leave because even Mommy doesn't like me now.
You talk about how my mother wouldn't come to see her grandhcild. Let's talk about how you told your son it was ok to leave when that same child had no home to live in. Let's talk about how you shouted from your Yahoo messenger pulpit the PRIDE you took in your son not doing one single thing to support his children. Oh, you don't want to talk about THAT!
Poor you, you got upset.
Poor kids, they have no Father, thanks in large part to you.
You cannot understand how my family could not see the baby?
I cannot understand how you can just make a blanket statement like "you two are not compatible' and 'the baby didn't need to see you two fighting' without ever having uttered the words to your son that he needed to be a real man and a real father and put me and the kids before his brother, and HE needed to make sacrifices for his family. Without ever having uttered the words to him, "Michael, you are a father, you wanted those kids. You two are having problems. Go see a counselor."
No, just like you do with your bills, you decide you don't want to be responsible for your obligations, so you walk away. You find some reason to 'blame' something why you do it, but you just walk away. Just what you taught your children to do with their responsibilities.
You 'created' the 'you two aren't compatible, the baby doesn't need to see you fight excuse' because you couldn't fathom the idea of your precious son taking any responsibilities for his family and getting some counseling. God forbid he actually he had to do something to try to take care of HIS family... because then, he wouldn't be taking care of you.
I cannot understand how you think it was ok for me to have sacrificed myself to give him children, how I sacrificed MY money, to give him TWO businesses, and cars, and boats, and cruises... but when it came time for him to make a sacrifice, you didn't think he had to and you thought I just had to 'accept' his running off and leaving me to raise kids I had because he promised me he would be there to raise them WITH ME?!
The 'spoiled selfish' one who doesn't deserve these kids is actually your son, who you trained to believe that he had the right to just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.
You trained him in this belief by 'agreeing' with everything your husband did, and burying yourself in a bottle so you didn't 'fight' with him about anything, up to and including his cheating on you.
It is pretty clear to everyone in the world that you and your family used me for my money. Mike's time in 'theater' served him well. He definitely pulled the wool over my eyes with his fake romance and adoration. But when the gravy train started to run dry and there was nothing left for him, you and his brother to suck on anymore, I faced the most devastating blow of my life, and you all lined up to KICK me when I was down, going out of your way to make things even worse for me, sending me spiraling into a pit of despair so you could then say, "he had to leave her. She was crazy. All they did was fight and that wasn't any good for the baby." And your plan hatched, and not one of you ever gave a shit how much MY CHILDREN SUFFERED because of the hatred you encouraged to cover up the truth...
You were all just using me for what you could get, and when the party was over, I was the one left holding the bag.
I hope you are all very happy. After all, I've seen the bullshit excuses you all made for Rich not supporting his children, and I've seen firsthand Mike tells those exact same lies and bullshit to a woman he wanted to 'date' thinking that women are going to be dumb enough to believe it. He actually told this woman that he DOES pay child support! HA! He won't even admit they are his kids.
I think it's time that you, Rich, Kelly and Angie left my family alone. Take a good hard look Dianne, Rich's kids in California hate his guts. My kids will feel no differently. Children aren't stupid. If you want to kid yourself into believing that ANYONE falls for the bullshit excuses you all made for Rich not supporting his kids,
- She talks bad about my family, and how they treat me, but when I bring up how HER family treated me and my kids, I get "I'm not going to talk about it."
- She talks about how my ex and I were always fighting and how it wasn't good for the baby to see, but when I bring up the question, "what we were fighting about?" (his brother and the way his brother 'influenced him to make bad decisions that affected OUR financial well-being because his brother is a MORON)... I get, "I'm not going to talk about it."
- She had the NERVE, the GALL, the CAJONES to say that I was too spoiled and selfish to have had a child! When I replied with, "He was the one who selfishly abandoned this family" I got.. YOU GUESSED IT..... "I'm not going to talk about it."
Here's the letter:
Dianne,
Some of the things you have said to me have caused me to stay up all night, thinking of questions I have to put to you.
How dare you say that I am 'too spoiled and selfish' to have children?
Let me clue you in, I am not the one who was so selfish as to abandon them when they needed me the most, to provide food and shelter. I believe the truly 'spoiled and selfish' has taken that trophy. When Mike couldn't provide, I did. When I couldn't he walked out, and he didn't just leave... he tried to kill me in every way possible.
He took MY TRUCK so I couldn't make a living.
He ROBBED MY HOUSE when I wasn't here.
He helped RUIN the only way I could make a living by outing me on the one place I was still making money...
You stood idly by and let all of this happen,even ENCOURAGED it for God's sake, and you have the nerve to talk about what MY FAMILY does to me...
TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK at what YOUR FAMILY... did to me.
Do you want to know the truth finally about why I didn't want to have a child? It was because I never believed that Mike wasn't too spoiled to walk out if the going got tough. Guess what. I was right.
It was because I knew by the example you set, that Mike has no sense of responsibility.
You condemn my family for the way they treat me, yet, the way your family treated me was horrific. You have your say about my family and I let you say it, but when you are done, and I come back at you with the things your family did to me, you interrupt me with "I'm not going to talk about it."
HOW DARE YOU!
How dare you have the nerve to condemn ANYONE for the way they treat people when you treated YOUR GRANDCHILDREN to the most grandiose drama to have ever graced the stage of parental alienation...
You were a conductor in the orchestrated plot to destroy my family.
You behaved like white trash, with your attacks on me and mine and then 'shutting down' with "I'm not going to talk about that' when faced with the mirror images of your own DISGUSTING behavior.
You speak with a forked tongue. Telling Mike how wonderful I am when I take you on a cruise, and then spitting venom about me behind my back when the money ran out, starting stupid fights about an imaginary 'haircut' so you could set a stage for him to leave because even Mommy doesn't like me now.
You talk about how my mother wouldn't come to see her grandhcild. Let's talk about how you told your son it was ok to leave when that same child had no home to live in. Let's talk about how you shouted from your Yahoo messenger pulpit the PRIDE you took in your son not doing one single thing to support his children. Oh, you don't want to talk about THAT!
Poor you, you got upset.
Poor kids, they have no Father, thanks in large part to you.
You cannot understand how my family could not see the baby?
I cannot understand how you can just make a blanket statement like "you two are not compatible' and 'the baby didn't need to see you two fighting' without ever having uttered the words to your son that he needed to be a real man and a real father and put me and the kids before his brother, and HE needed to make sacrifices for his family. Without ever having uttered the words to him, "Michael, you are a father, you wanted those kids. You two are having problems. Go see a counselor."
No, just like you do with your bills, you decide you don't want to be responsible for your obligations, so you walk away. You find some reason to 'blame' something why you do it, but you just walk away. Just what you taught your children to do with their responsibilities.
You 'created' the 'you two aren't compatible, the baby doesn't need to see you fight excuse' because you couldn't fathom the idea of your precious son taking any responsibilities for his family and getting some counseling. God forbid he actually he had to do something to try to take care of HIS family... because then, he wouldn't be taking care of you.
I cannot understand how you think it was ok for me to have sacrificed myself to give him children, how I sacrificed MY money, to give him TWO businesses, and cars, and boats, and cruises... but when it came time for him to make a sacrifice, you didn't think he had to and you thought I just had to 'accept' his running off and leaving me to raise kids I had because he promised me he would be there to raise them WITH ME?!
The 'spoiled selfish' one who doesn't deserve these kids is actually your son, who you trained to believe that he had the right to just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.
You trained him in this belief by 'agreeing' with everything your husband did, and burying yourself in a bottle so you didn't 'fight' with him about anything, up to and including his cheating on you.
It is pretty clear to everyone in the world that you and your family used me for my money. Mike's time in 'theater' served him well. He definitely pulled the wool over my eyes with his fake romance and adoration. But when the gravy train started to run dry and there was nothing left for him, you and his brother to suck on anymore, I faced the most devastating blow of my life, and you all lined up to KICK me when I was down, going out of your way to make things even worse for me, sending me spiraling into a pit of despair so you could then say, "he had to leave her. She was crazy. All they did was fight and that wasn't any good for the baby." And your plan hatched, and not one of you ever gave a shit how much MY CHILDREN SUFFERED because of the hatred you encouraged to cover up the truth...
You were all just using me for what you could get, and when the party was over, I was the one left holding the bag.
I hope you are all very happy. After all, I've seen the bullshit excuses you all made for Rich not supporting his children, and I've seen firsthand Mike tells those exact same lies and bullshit to a woman he wanted to 'date' thinking that women are going to be dumb enough to believe it. He actually told this woman that he DOES pay child support! HA! He won't even admit they are his kids.
I think it's time that you, Rich, Kelly and Angie left my family alone. Take a good hard look Dianne, Rich's kids in California hate his guts. My kids will feel no differently. Children aren't stupid. If you want to kid yourself into believing that ANYONE falls for the bullshit excuses you all made for Rich not supporting his kids,
I leave you with this... I have been through marriage counseling, and the one thing I learned there was that if you loved each other to get together and create a family in the first place, that love can be found again. You just have to want to want it. Even if you think you don't want it, you owe it to yourselves and your children to open your mind and your heart to getting past the anger that makes you feel that way, so you can start the process of healing and finding love again. It just takes work, and a little guidance to learn how to find it again. Anyone who won't let you finish that sentence, or who tries to argue against, does not have the interest of 'real family' at heart, and you should not be surrounding yourself with anyone who would say this.
###
It is my inherent belief that no matter what happens, a family is stronger together! Emotionally, financially, and even socially. Love, marriage, family, relationships.... it isn't all fun and games and Hallmark cards and good times... sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's damn hard work! And A LOT of self-sacrifice. You became a parent. Self-sacrifice is no longer an 'option' it's now a RESPONSIBILITY. Your children deserve for you to get past the anger immediately, even if it needs to be forced upon you to do so. You have no right to let your anger cause the grief that anger causes to innocent children.
Friday, July 31, 2009
***Update*** On The Deadbeat Dad, Another one for the Deadbeat Dad's List
So our older boy is pretty sick and here's another one for the Deadbeat Dad's list. A friend of mine told the sperm donor that the boy is sick and because of my crappy Medicaid medical coverage, he's not getting very good care from the doctors. Suddenly, the message from the sperm donor's mother- He wants to talk to me about medical coverage for the boys and a few other things that I will be pleased about.
Doubtful. The level of distrust is so deep here, that when she asked for my email address, I refused because I don't so much as want him having my IP address. He's not to be trusted at all.
This all came down yesterday on July 30, 2009. I told her to have him instant message me, but so far, he hasn't.
Fancy that, eh?
Doubtful. The level of distrust is so deep here, that when she asked for my email address, I refused because I don't so much as want him having my IP address. He's not to be trusted at all.
This all came down yesterday on July 30, 2009. I told her to have him instant message me, but so far, he hasn't.
Fancy that, eh?
Monday, May 25, 2009
Financial Help For Single Moms Starts With Help For Deadbeat Dads
Read on a Yahoo blog:
Ok, I don't agree with ALL of this, because studies have shown that female judges are actually more even-handed whereas male judges tend to side with the mother (probably has a lot to do with fathers who don't want their daughters dating because they know what boys are actually like...), but the part I do agree with it that it is 'More adversarial than inquisitive' (yes, I corrected the spelling, apologies to the author).
Why do you think that DCF and attorneys immediately advise one party to file a domestic violence injunction the moment said person makes any inquiry for help during the beginning stages of a break up, when emotions are still high and rationality has taken a back seat?
The more animosity that is created, the better the chance of profiteering by agencies such as DCF, CSE and the 'divorce attorney's.'
I understand that most cases are cases of the woman wanting out and not the man, so of course I can understand a man's resentment.
Let me state for the record, I am the woman who WAS LEFT, and also that HE WANTED the children, PUSHED for the children, and I was the breadwinner,so I am not a case of a woman who wanted his 'child support paycheck.'
I have had to defend my position on 'mandated family counseling' to every single woman I know who did take the initiative in the split. One friend even told me that she would have 'resented' being told that she had to try to save her marriage because she couldn't stand her husband because he was 'needy.' It did not occur to her that that issue could have been worked through with a good marriage counselor, nor was she willing to concede that it COULD have.
I have been the married woman withouth children who wanted a divorce, and who did go through marriage counseling. I know that most 'break-ups' stem from 'unresolved arguements because couples are not equipped to resolve arguments without help.
I also know that many relationship problems are the direct result of financial pressures or other types of crisis that making coping a difficult task and in which the relationship suffers.
Some of the things I learned in marriage counseling was that there was something you loved about each other to begin with, and to make the marriage/relationshiop work, you needed to learn to remember those things and nurture them to keep the love alive.
Because I did not have children, I still felt that my marriage was not salvagable and we chose to end it. Luckily, that marriage counseling helped us to be 'amicable' and we to this day remain friendly. And it is because of my decision to end the marriage and the decisions I made to have children with another man, and without the protection of marriage, that I have become anti-divorce, and and advocate for mandated family counseling any time there are children involved, with or without marriage.
In the relationship where my children were conceived, I did not have the protection of marriage. There were 'isolated incidents' of abuse. Verbal and mental definitely. Physcial, yes, but not to the dramatic point of Farrah Fawcetts 'The Burning Bed." He slapped me, yes. But he didn't PUMMMEL me. Some of the things he DID do would seem reprehensible, but no one but I was there. I know that these behaviors were not ALWAYS present. They were 'triggered' by events in our lives like the appearance of a drug using brother who bullied him mercilessly and emasculated him. His anger and resentment at not being able to stand up for himself were misdirected at me. He began to accuse ME of being the one controlling him, though he was making decisons about OUR business (backed with my credit) based on what his brother would tell him to do. There was no regard for me or my credit or money in these decisions. I was once the 'partner' who was respected, and now suddenly I was just 'some dumb female that didn't know anything about business or how to deal with guys in trades.' When the decisions went bad, and cost us clients, his brother would plant an idea in his head that I somehow 'plotted' to lose the clients. When asked why I would put my own money or credit on the line and cost myself and my family a major portion of our income, the answer his brother has programmed him to respond with is 'who knows why you do what you do, talk to a shrink.'
When our relationship began to be affected by this man's ridiculous psychosis, I was merely 'the bitch trying to drive a wedge between him and his brother.' His insecurity allowed this to fester and escalate. Friends saw the changes and mentioned them to me, but no one mentioned it to him. Hence, I remained 'the bitch trying get between him and his brother.'
When his he decided to leave me, his brother helped him 'plan it.' Our financial situation was in distress and I asked him to get a job. He went to see his brother, who told him to joint the National Guard Reserves. There was a lot of lip service for a few months there about how he was doing it for our family, etc, etc, in order to quash my protests. It turns out, that as long as he is 'Active Duty' he can't be called for a paternity test. So he got to leave, and not pay child support.
When I had to apply for assistance ffom the state, I made the mistake of telling them what happened between us, and I was advised to file a Domestic Violence Injunction. There was no mediator to try to bring us together to talk. All the advice I got was to make one adversarial move after another, which just incited more anger.
After 18 months of longing for intervention, either to reunify our family or at least get him to take responsibility for the boys, he's shipping off to Iraq tomorrow and I'm left feeling sad and angry. Sad that I cannot support him, angry that I want to though he cares nothing at all for me our our children.
And in cases where the woman is abused, or neglected by the man, there is no way for her to get him counseling to stop the abuse and try to build the family unit to be strong and happy. There are no 'domestic violent interventions' as there are 'drugs and alchohol' abusers.
We have seen an alarming increase in the number of 'domestic violence' cases in recent years. Many of these cases are real, and there is no choice but to separate because there is no way to make the abuser get help to solve the problem that's causing the issue. The law views 'domestic' violence as a 'civil' matter and therefore does not make provisions for ordering the 'rehabilitation' that a drug or alchohol offender would be ordered to participate in. So there is no hope of ending the abuse and the separation or divorce is imminent. This gives these lawyers and DCF, CSE and more, incentive to exploit this opportunity to use it to CREATE the 'adversarial' stances that are certain to enusre the destruction of the relationship and the family unit.
I am a proponent of mandated family counseling and family crisis intervention programs as a check and balance system to keep the profiteering lawyers, CSE, and DCF out of the family unit situation until every effort to reunify the family is explored.
| "something needs to be done for the children"... You know how many times you will hear that at the family court? It has no bearing on anything, the system assumes every bloke is a violent creep, and every woman is mother Theresa doing it tough. I dunno what the answer is, but I'd say 2 fundamentals of our modified westminster legal system work completely against any reasonable outcome. Firstly, it is adversarial rather than inquisative. This means two sides throw as much mud at each other, and delve into as much animosity as possible, then some high and mighty (female) judge decides whats best based on who looks worse (male). Then theres the rule of precedents, where the (female) judge will factor setting a precedent into the equation and opt for following previous precedents (giving everything to the female), rather than setting a new precedent such as a fair go. |
Ok, I don't agree with ALL of this, because studies have shown that female judges are actually more even-handed whereas male judges tend to side with the mother (probably has a lot to do with fathers who don't want their daughters dating because they know what boys are actually like...), but the part I do agree with it that it is 'More adversarial than inquisitive' (yes, I corrected the spelling, apologies to the author).
Why do you think that DCF and attorneys immediately advise one party to file a domestic violence injunction the moment said person makes any inquiry for help during the beginning stages of a break up, when emotions are still high and rationality has taken a back seat?
The more animosity that is created, the better the chance of profiteering by agencies such as DCF, CSE and the 'divorce attorney's.'
I understand that most cases are cases of the woman wanting out and not the man, so of course I can understand a man's resentment.
Let me state for the record, I am the woman who WAS LEFT, and also that HE WANTED the children, PUSHED for the children, and I was the breadwinner,so I am not a case of a woman who wanted his 'child support paycheck.'
I have had to defend my position on 'mandated family counseling' to every single woman I know who did take the initiative in the split. One friend even told me that she would have 'resented' being told that she had to try to save her marriage because she couldn't stand her husband because he was 'needy.' It did not occur to her that that issue could have been worked through with a good marriage counselor, nor was she willing to concede that it COULD have.
I have been the married woman withouth children who wanted a divorce, and who did go through marriage counseling. I know that most 'break-ups' stem from 'unresolved arguements because couples are not equipped to resolve arguments without help.
I also know that many relationship problems are the direct result of financial pressures or other types of crisis that making coping a difficult task and in which the relationship suffers.
Some of the things I learned in marriage counseling was that there was something you loved about each other to begin with, and to make the marriage/relationshiop work, you needed to learn to remember those things and nurture them to keep the love alive.
Because I did not have children, I still felt that my marriage was not salvagable and we chose to end it. Luckily, that marriage counseling helped us to be 'amicable' and we to this day remain friendly. And it is because of my decision to end the marriage and the decisions I made to have children with another man, and without the protection of marriage, that I have become anti-divorce, and and advocate for mandated family counseling any time there are children involved, with or without marriage.
In the relationship where my children were conceived, I did not have the protection of marriage. There were 'isolated incidents' of abuse. Verbal and mental definitely. Physcial, yes, but not to the dramatic point of Farrah Fawcetts 'The Burning Bed." He slapped me, yes. But he didn't PUMMMEL me. Some of the things he DID do would seem reprehensible, but no one but I was there. I know that these behaviors were not ALWAYS present. They were 'triggered' by events in our lives like the appearance of a drug using brother who bullied him mercilessly and emasculated him. His anger and resentment at not being able to stand up for himself were misdirected at me. He began to accuse ME of being the one controlling him, though he was making decisons about OUR business (backed with my credit) based on what his brother would tell him to do. There was no regard for me or my credit or money in these decisions. I was once the 'partner' who was respected, and now suddenly I was just 'some dumb female that didn't know anything about business or how to deal with guys in trades.' When the decisions went bad, and cost us clients, his brother would plant an idea in his head that I somehow 'plotted' to lose the clients. When asked why I would put my own money or credit on the line and cost myself and my family a major portion of our income, the answer his brother has programmed him to respond with is 'who knows why you do what you do, talk to a shrink.'
When our relationship began to be affected by this man's ridiculous psychosis, I was merely 'the bitch trying to drive a wedge between him and his brother.' His insecurity allowed this to fester and escalate. Friends saw the changes and mentioned them to me, but no one mentioned it to him. Hence, I remained 'the bitch trying get between him and his brother.'
When his he decided to leave me, his brother helped him 'plan it.' Our financial situation was in distress and I asked him to get a job. He went to see his brother, who told him to joint the National Guard Reserves. There was a lot of lip service for a few months there about how he was doing it for our family, etc, etc, in order to quash my protests. It turns out, that as long as he is 'Active Duty' he can't be called for a paternity test. So he got to leave, and not pay child support.
When I had to apply for assistance ffom the state, I made the mistake of telling them what happened between us, and I was advised to file a Domestic Violence Injunction. There was no mediator to try to bring us together to talk. All the advice I got was to make one adversarial move after another, which just incited more anger.
After 18 months of longing for intervention, either to reunify our family or at least get him to take responsibility for the boys, he's shipping off to Iraq tomorrow and I'm left feeling sad and angry. Sad that I cannot support him, angry that I want to though he cares nothing at all for me our our children.
And in cases where the woman is abused, or neglected by the man, there is no way for her to get him counseling to stop the abuse and try to build the family unit to be strong and happy. There are no 'domestic violent interventions' as there are 'drugs and alchohol' abusers.
We have seen an alarming increase in the number of 'domestic violence' cases in recent years. Many of these cases are real, and there is no choice but to separate because there is no way to make the abuser get help to solve the problem that's causing the issue. The law views 'domestic' violence as a 'civil' matter and therefore does not make provisions for ordering the 'rehabilitation' that a drug or alchohol offender would be ordered to participate in. So there is no hope of ending the abuse and the separation or divorce is imminent. This gives these lawyers and DCF, CSE and more, incentive to exploit this opportunity to use it to CREATE the 'adversarial' stances that are certain to enusre the destruction of the relationship and the family unit.
I am a proponent of mandated family counseling and family crisis intervention programs as a check and balance system to keep the profiteering lawyers, CSE, and DCF out of the family unit situation until every effort to reunify the family is explored.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Does The Florida Army National Guard Protect Deadbeat Dads?
If you've been following this blog, you know that my name is Vanessa Blais and I am a single mom fighting for child support for my children, among other family issues, such as 'Family Crisis Intervention" and "Mandated Family Counseling Even Without Marriage", however, this article is about to expose a serious cover-up by the Florida National Guard to protect Deadbeat Dads.
My particular case was probably one for the law books had it been handled by private attorney's instead of the joke of a law firm that is contracted by CSE and the DOR to handle support cases. A law dating back to the 1800's prevented me from suiing my children's father for child support because I was 'legally married' to someone else. During the time that I spent fighting this particular circumstance, the childrens father attended Boot Camp, AIT, and Jump School during which the boys and I, as his 'dependents' would have been entitled to an 'alottment.' However, because a child support order would include a judgement for all of the 'back child support owed' between the time he left and the time it went to court, the 'Deadbeat Dad' in question, refused to sign either of our children's birth certificates because that judgement could have been used to gonoshier that bonus.
When our second child was born, the "Deadbeat Dad" in question requested leave time from AIT to come home to see his son, thus acknowledging to the military that he is the father. However, he still refused to sign their birth certificates to provide for us, and I was still not divorced from my 'now' ex-husband. When the "deadbeat dad" in question finished his training, he returned home and said, in front of a witness, that he would not sign their birth certificates because he "didn't want (me) serving him with child support papers while he doesn't have a job."
In March of 2009, the divorce, with the wording that CSE demands, was final and it was time to serve the Deadbeat Dad in question. On May 19, 2009, after not having heard back from CSE, I called for an update. I discovered that on May 4,2009, a 'message' was left for the Deadbeat Dads Sargeant to call CSE to provide an address for service on said Deadbeat Dad. As of May 19, 2009, said Sargeant had not bothered to return CSE's phone calls.
Here's where this gets weird. On May 14, 2009, the Deadbeat Dad HIMSELF, placed a call to CSE to inform them that he would be leaving for Iraq the following week. It would seem that 'said' Sargeant not only informed the Deadbeat Dad about the phone call, but even advised the Deadbeat to call CSE himself and try to 'brush them off' with the "Iraq story." Which, as of today, looks to be untrue.
The last time I spoke with said "Deadbeat Dad" in early May, he told me that he was going to 'mobilization' and that he would be leaving for Iraq in June. Said "Deadbeats" mother, has 'implied' that he is already IN Iraq, and today, CSE informed me, that from what they have been able to ascertain, he will be leaving for Iraq, 'next week.'
I have been promised a new update as of tomorrow, May 21,2009, but as of right now, I'm still in the same limbo I have been living in for the past year and a half. But at least I am beginning to see what the "military" does about "Deadbeat Dads." It helps them BE "Deadbeat Dads."
My particular case was probably one for the law books had it been handled by private attorney's instead of the joke of a law firm that is contracted by CSE and the DOR to handle support cases. A law dating back to the 1800's prevented me from suiing my children's father for child support because I was 'legally married' to someone else. During the time that I spent fighting this particular circumstance, the childrens father attended Boot Camp, AIT, and Jump School during which the boys and I, as his 'dependents' would have been entitled to an 'alottment.' However, because a child support order would include a judgement for all of the 'back child support owed' between the time he left and the time it went to court, the 'Deadbeat Dad' in question, refused to sign either of our children's birth certificates because that judgement could have been used to gonoshier that bonus.
When our second child was born, the "Deadbeat Dad" in question requested leave time from AIT to come home to see his son, thus acknowledging to the military that he is the father. However, he still refused to sign their birth certificates to provide for us, and I was still not divorced from my 'now' ex-husband. When the "deadbeat dad" in question finished his training, he returned home and said, in front of a witness, that he would not sign their birth certificates because he "didn't want (me) serving him with child support papers while he doesn't have a job."
In March of 2009, the divorce, with the wording that CSE demands, was final and it was time to serve the Deadbeat Dad in question. On May 19, 2009, after not having heard back from CSE, I called for an update. I discovered that on May 4,2009, a 'message' was left for the Deadbeat Dads Sargeant to call CSE to provide an address for service on said Deadbeat Dad. As of May 19, 2009, said Sargeant had not bothered to return CSE's phone calls.
Here's where this gets weird. On May 14, 2009, the Deadbeat Dad HIMSELF, placed a call to CSE to inform them that he would be leaving for Iraq the following week. It would seem that 'said' Sargeant not only informed the Deadbeat Dad about the phone call, but even advised the Deadbeat to call CSE himself and try to 'brush them off' with the "Iraq story." Which, as of today, looks to be untrue.
The last time I spoke with said "Deadbeat Dad" in early May, he told me that he was going to 'mobilization' and that he would be leaving for Iraq in June. Said "Deadbeats" mother, has 'implied' that he is already IN Iraq, and today, CSE informed me, that from what they have been able to ascertain, he will be leaving for Iraq, 'next week.'
I have been promised a new update as of tomorrow, May 21,2009, but as of right now, I'm still in the same limbo I have been living in for the past year and a half. But at least I am beginning to see what the "military" does about "Deadbeat Dads." It helps them BE "Deadbeat Dads."
Marriage costs Tampa Bay Woman child support for 18 months
Most people think that being married gives you more legal rights than being unmarried. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Imagine being married and realizing one day, that you just are not in love. You end your marriage very amicably, without drama, and you aren't hateful, so you don't 'rush' into a divorce that will ensure 'financial devastation.' Then you meet someone else and it's love at first sight. You have a child. Two years later, that relationship ends in hate, bitterness and financial devastation. Then try to get child support from the 'biological father.' You won't. The state of Florida will attempt to hang the responsibility of support on your innocent spouse.
My name is Vanessa Blais. I live in Port Richey, Florida. For nine years I was married to a good man who never did anything to hurt anyone. Although he is a great guy, he just was not the right guy for me. The Child Support Enforcement people however, have decided that should be held responsible for the children I had with another man after the husband and I separated.
An arhcaic law on Florida's books, that dates back to the 1800's, states that if a woman is married when she gives birth to a child, the husband is the 'legal father' regardless of whether they are separated or even living in separate homes. There is absolutely no provision set in place within the Child Support Enforcement guidelines for dealing with a situation such as this.
"Child Support Enforcement refused to even acknowledge the existence of the man who is in fact the biological father of the children. They wasted over a year 'waiting' on me to get a divorce that they advised me to get without serving either of the men in question. Three separate free consultations with private attorney's advised me that the quickest course of action would be to serve both men at the same time, however, Child Support Enforcement summarily dismissed that option with a flippant 'We don't do that' response.
Since Novermber of 2007, I have been trying to get my children's biological father served with papers for paternity and child support. To add insult to injury, he is in the Florida U.S. Army National Guard Reserves. The military is supposed to be the one place that "Deadbeat Dad's" can't hide, right? Wrong.
After a year and a half of getting the 'divorce' per the 'legal advice' I was given by my local Child Support Enforcement Office in Port Richey, Florida, and getting the 'correct' wording in it too, the time has come to serve the Deadbeat Dad. According to Child Support Enforcement's Customer Service line, they contacted his "Sargeant" on May 4,2009 for an address for service.
As of May 19,2009, the "Sargeant" had not returned their phone call. However, on May 14, 2009, the Deadbeat Dad himself called Child Support Enforcement to inform them that he would be going to Iraq the next week. It seems he cannot be served while he is overseas.
On May 20, 2009, the update I got from the Florida Department of Revenue, who oversees Child Support Enforcement, states that he may not in fact be leaving for Iraq for yet another week, giving us time to serve him, and has finally produced an address too.
On May 19, I started calling the DOR when CSE informed me that they 'tried' to serve him but could not get 'confirmation' from the post office that he lives at the address provided to them and the "Sargeant" had not called back to confirm his address either. When I called DOR, I was furious. He has a driver's license, serve him at whatever address is on it. If he claims he never 'got the summons' that's too bad, just as it is with anyone else who gets a summons to appear in court.
This has finally resulted in some action, and I should get another update tomorrow. Meanwhile, I will now explore the "Miliatary Protecting Deadbeat Dads" problem that I have seen during this circus of a simple child support case.
Imagine being married and realizing one day, that you just are not in love. You end your marriage very amicably, without drama, and you aren't hateful, so you don't 'rush' into a divorce that will ensure 'financial devastation.' Then you meet someone else and it's love at first sight. You have a child. Two years later, that relationship ends in hate, bitterness and financial devastation. Then try to get child support from the 'biological father.' You won't. The state of Florida will attempt to hang the responsibility of support on your innocent spouse.
My name is Vanessa Blais. I live in Port Richey, Florida. For nine years I was married to a good man who never did anything to hurt anyone. Although he is a great guy, he just was not the right guy for me. The Child Support Enforcement people however, have decided that should be held responsible for the children I had with another man after the husband and I separated.
An arhcaic law on Florida's books, that dates back to the 1800's, states that if a woman is married when she gives birth to a child, the husband is the 'legal father' regardless of whether they are separated or even living in separate homes. There is absolutely no provision set in place within the Child Support Enforcement guidelines for dealing with a situation such as this.
"Child Support Enforcement refused to even acknowledge the existence of the man who is in fact the biological father of the children. They wasted over a year 'waiting' on me to get a divorce that they advised me to get without serving either of the men in question. Three separate free consultations with private attorney's advised me that the quickest course of action would be to serve both men at the same time, however, Child Support Enforcement summarily dismissed that option with a flippant 'We don't do that' response.
Since Novermber of 2007, I have been trying to get my children's biological father served with papers for paternity and child support. To add insult to injury, he is in the Florida U.S. Army National Guard Reserves. The military is supposed to be the one place that "Deadbeat Dad's" can't hide, right? Wrong.
After a year and a half of getting the 'divorce' per the 'legal advice' I was given by my local Child Support Enforcement Office in Port Richey, Florida, and getting the 'correct' wording in it too, the time has come to serve the Deadbeat Dad. According to Child Support Enforcement's Customer Service line, they contacted his "Sargeant" on May 4,2009 for an address for service.
As of May 19,2009, the "Sargeant" had not returned their phone call. However, on May 14, 2009, the Deadbeat Dad himself called Child Support Enforcement to inform them that he would be going to Iraq the next week. It seems he cannot be served while he is overseas.
On May 20, 2009, the update I got from the Florida Department of Revenue, who oversees Child Support Enforcement, states that he may not in fact be leaving for Iraq for yet another week, giving us time to serve him, and has finally produced an address too.
On May 19, I started calling the DOR when CSE informed me that they 'tried' to serve him but could not get 'confirmation' from the post office that he lives at the address provided to them and the "Sargeant" had not called back to confirm his address either. When I called DOR, I was furious. He has a driver's license, serve him at whatever address is on it. If he claims he never 'got the summons' that's too bad, just as it is with anyone else who gets a summons to appear in court.
This has finally resulted in some action, and I should get another update tomorrow. Meanwhile, I will now explore the "Miliatary Protecting Deadbeat Dads" problem that I have seen during this circus of a simple child support case.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
6 Simple Steps To Filing For Child Support, Without A Lawyer And Regardless of Your Circumstances
My name is Vanessa Blais, and I have the most convoluted child support story I think anyone is ever going to hear. I was married to a good man for nine years. We had a very nice life and we were good friends. But no matter how hard we tried, we just were not in love. And so, we split up. It was very amicable and we were in no rush to get divorced.
Along came the love of my life. He wanted a baby. He insisted. When our son was 18 months, Dear Old Deadbeat Dad joined the military, against my wished. When our son was 22 months old, Dear Old Deadbeat Dad, walked out, leaving us destitute. I was also 2 and half months pregnant with our second child.
Because I was still legally married, the state of Florida considered my husband the children's father. But child support enforcement did not file for a paternity test. Instead, they advised me to get divorced. I did. I brought the divorce papers back to the agency and was told to wait. Four months later, I go back, and I am told that the wording in the divorce papers is not good enough. It only excludes my ex husband as the 'biological' father, and not the 'legal father'.
So, six months later, when my ex husbands lawyer FINALLY gets the papers done RIGHT...
The boys father is ACTIVE DUTY in the US Army National Guard.
HE is protected from a paternity suit under the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act of 1949. Now there are exceptions to this, but Child Support Enforcement is just going to use it as another reason to stall taking any action.
If I want any real action, I need to find the loopholes and file the suit. I had a couple of 'free consultations' with attorneys, but they don't actually tell you what the plan is to get over the hurdles, they sell you on providing a retainer fee to them. So I had to start digging. One attorney even told me that we could 'fast track' the case by asking to go before the General Magistrate. Turns out, he was either wrong or lying. Thank God I DIDN'T have the $4,000 this guy wanted for the retainer fee.
I even went so far as to post on the lawyers.com message board. What a disgusting joke that board is. The first lawyer who responded to my question replied with santctimonious disdain for me because I didn't get divorced before I had my son. The second lawyer to reply replied with 'you have a lot to overcome, I suggest you get the retainer fee together.' And finally, a third lawyer told me that I had to 'reopen the lawsuit.' He was referring to my divorce and finally said it had to be 'modified.' I guess he meant, change the wording. That would have ended the 'legal father issue' but I still didn't know what to do about the 'Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act" that the children's dad was using to shield his responsibilites to us.
Finally, yesterday, April 24, 2009, I called the General Magistrate and asked them what to do. It took the "20 Questions Game" but I did finally get the answers. So, here is 18 months of research struggle compressed into EXACTLY what you need to do get that child support.
1.) Make a list of the problems
2.) Call every single family law attorney in town, and set an appointment with every single one of them. Take your list of questions, and ask every question of every attorney. Write every answer down.
3.) Visit your local law library. Ask the law librarian for help researching cases with problems like yours.
4.) Call The General Magistrate
5.) File the papers yourself. Don't depend on Child Support Agencies or DCF. They do not have your best interests at heart. They have their own job security at heart. The longer your file sits on someone's desk, the more demand there is for their jobs.
6.) Use the power of the pen. Write to your local newspaper about any legal barriers that are getting in your way of collecting child support. Write to your legislators and your state representatives.
Mom's need to get proactive about child support. Lawyers wrote laws to make it so that enforcing something so basic as 'parental responsibility' will costs thousands of dollars in reatainer fees, something a single mom rarely has.
Along came the love of my life. He wanted a baby. He insisted. When our son was 18 months, Dear Old Deadbeat Dad joined the military, against my wished. When our son was 22 months old, Dear Old Deadbeat Dad, walked out, leaving us destitute. I was also 2 and half months pregnant with our second child.
Because I was still legally married, the state of Florida considered my husband the children's father. But child support enforcement did not file for a paternity test. Instead, they advised me to get divorced. I did. I brought the divorce papers back to the agency and was told to wait. Four months later, I go back, and I am told that the wording in the divorce papers is not good enough. It only excludes my ex husband as the 'biological' father, and not the 'legal father'.
So, six months later, when my ex husbands lawyer FINALLY gets the papers done RIGHT...
The boys father is ACTIVE DUTY in the US Army National Guard.
HE is protected from a paternity suit under the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act of 1949. Now there are exceptions to this, but Child Support Enforcement is just going to use it as another reason to stall taking any action.
If I want any real action, I need to find the loopholes and file the suit. I had a couple of 'free consultations' with attorneys, but they don't actually tell you what the plan is to get over the hurdles, they sell you on providing a retainer fee to them. So I had to start digging. One attorney even told me that we could 'fast track' the case by asking to go before the General Magistrate. Turns out, he was either wrong or lying. Thank God I DIDN'T have the $4,000 this guy wanted for the retainer fee.
I even went so far as to post on the lawyers.com message board. What a disgusting joke that board is. The first lawyer who responded to my question replied with santctimonious disdain for me because I didn't get divorced before I had my son. The second lawyer to reply replied with 'you have a lot to overcome, I suggest you get the retainer fee together.' And finally, a third lawyer told me that I had to 'reopen the lawsuit.' He was referring to my divorce and finally said it had to be 'modified.' I guess he meant, change the wording. That would have ended the 'legal father issue' but I still didn't know what to do about the 'Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act" that the children's dad was using to shield his responsibilites to us.
Finally, yesterday, April 24, 2009, I called the General Magistrate and asked them what to do. It took the "20 Questions Game" but I did finally get the answers. So, here is 18 months of research struggle compressed into EXACTLY what you need to do get that child support.
1.) Make a list of the problems
2.) Call every single family law attorney in town, and set an appointment with every single one of them. Take your list of questions, and ask every question of every attorney. Write every answer down.
3.) Visit your local law library. Ask the law librarian for help researching cases with problems like yours.
4.) Call The General Magistrate
5.) File the papers yourself. Don't depend on Child Support Agencies or DCF. They do not have your best interests at heart. They have their own job security at heart. The longer your file sits on someone's desk, the more demand there is for their jobs.
6.) Use the power of the pen. Write to your local newspaper about any legal barriers that are getting in your way of collecting child support. Write to your legislators and your state representatives.
Mom's need to get proactive about child support. Lawyers wrote laws to make it so that enforcing something so basic as 'parental responsibility' will costs thousands of dollars in reatainer fees, something a single mom rarely has.
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