Support for single moms, A point for the moms team

For anyone needing a bit of single mom support, the mommy team scored major points in the past few months. So far, not much news to report. As of the 'welfare fraud' investigation from an 'anonymous tip', I've cut off all contact with the idiots. I'm just done. Over it. I've changed my home phone and cell phone numbers, made myself invisible to them on my Yahoo messenger. I can still see them and their status messages though, and I still screen capture every idiotic message that Rich puts out. Dianne mostly is keeping quiet. About 2 and a half weeks ago, she put out a message that said "guess she won't answer the phone for me." I messaged her and asked her if she was directing that comment at me, and she said yes, that she was trying to call to talk to the boys. I told her they were sleeping, and she said 'ok bye.' That was the last conversation I had with her, or any of them.

I've been pretty lucky lately. I found Shane in November of last year, and he is an amazing and honorable man, proud to take on the role of Daddy that the sperm seller abandoned. And just recently, I found a criminal attorney who is going to assist me in stopping the sperm seller and his family's criminal harassment and slander of me. First, he's going to send them a letter telling them that the next time a false police report, DCF report, or CPS report is filed, that he will see to it that they face criminal charges, and that we will sue the shit out of them. I discovered a great deal of legal advice from this man, and in return, I'm going to build him a website with all the bells and whistles for finally giving me some peace of mind.

Furthermore, I Shane and I are still finalizing the marriage plans, and thinking about moving out of the state of Florida. We plan for Shane to petition for adoption of the kids as soon as we get married, so that might put our plans back a bit, but one way or the other, we are moving out of Florida before April of this year.

Scaling Fences, The Life Of A Single Mom

So this morning, I was out in the garage with the baby, looking through some laundry to find something for him to wear. Suddenly, my older boy joins us, closing, and locking I would soon find out, the door behind him. When I went to open and found it locked, I was a none too happy mommy.
So here I am, already dressed for work, in my navy blue tailored trousers and my navy blue and white sweater, and of course, dress shoes, thinking.. "did I unlock the front door this morning?" I open the garage door and make my back to the front door. Locked.
Luckily, every morning, I open the French doors that lead out to the back yard so my kids can go out and play while I make breakfast and pack lunches. The only problem was the 6 foot privacy fence barricade that I would have to overcome.
And so, at 8:30 am, dressed for a power meeting, (which I didn't actually have, but I feel better about my life when I'm dressed as a corporate executive), but barefoot, I scaled a 6 foot, wooden privacy fence as my children stared at me in awe. God, I hope I didn't give them any ideas.

The Paradoxical Life Of A Not So Young Single Mom

This morning has me confused and bewildered. I came to mommyhood late in life, not having had my first until I was 31. I thought I was ready. I had a successful business, a home, good credit, cars, boat, all the material things that most people sacrifice for the sake of having families young. I had traveled, I had lived. I felt I was worldly and experienced. I thought it was time.

In less than 2 years, my life, and all that made me, well, me... was gone. The money, the cars, the boat, the business, my self respect, my dignity, vanished. And I was pregnant with a second. I was homeless, had nowhere to turn. Knew 'what' to do, but not 'how' to do it. Every obstacle seemed insurmountable, every roadblock, a dead end with no detour.

Over the next two years, I struggled to cope. Financially and emotionally. Most days, I felt as if there were nothing left of me but an empty shell of the woman I used to be. It was like I died but was left to roam the earth a robotic machine, serving the purpose of doing the job of caring for the children that Daddy left behind after he succeeded in destroying me.

Yesterday, I turned 35. My God. 35. I was supposed to be retired to the Caribbean by this age. And yet, here I am, in a rental home, without water right now until I get paid and can come up with a deposit. In a not paid training class for a seasonal work from home job, trying to find freelance work online to come up with some extra money so that all the bills will be paid and there will even be some money for Christmas. Yearning to get my nails and hair done, to look pretty again and feel good enough about myself to find someone to build and share a life with. Longing to be the woman I once was and win back my kids' father's heart.

And I realize.

For all that I had 'lived' in 30 years, prior to having children, I have not yet begun to live. During those rare moments that I can experience even the slightest bit of 'happiness' done vicariously through my children, seeing the world through their eyes, that I realize...
I am naive and untouched in many ways, by many things. And for this I begin to reopen my mind to the possiblities of a new future.

I once believed that you only fail when you stop trying.
I once believed that a true soldier does not admit defeat before the battle
I once believed that anything the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

Somewhere along the lines of the past 5 years, I lost my beliefs. Today, I take them back.
I take them into myself and I harbor them and protect them. I shall nurture them and they shall give me strentgth. I will change my life today. And every day from here on out, I will rebuild the beliefs and once again, be valiant in my efforts to overcome.

I am Mommy.
I am the master of my own destiny
My family is my soul
My sould is my vessel,
And I am the Captain of this ship

Inspiration has come, the muse has been bestowed upon me. I will prevail.